Relationships go deeper than talking on Twitter or Facebook

This post was inspired by a sermon at Olathe Christian Church where they talked about how relationships need to go deeper than social media. That sermon can be viewed here: http://bit.ly/cNqVek and it is well worth watching. One statement in this sermon caught my attention and it was "Pursue relationships proactively instead of reactively. Technology makes us relationally reactive. When someone sends you a tweet or message via social media tools, we react to it so much that we lose the art of pursuing or proactively reaching out to connect in a true manner. If a person stops sending us messages online, we move to the next person who is willing to send us messages we can react to." I think in many ways, these statements are very true. I have done this many times where someone will send me a reply on Twitter and I react to it by responding back and myself and the other person moves on to the next person who sends a message. There are times when I will have a conversation with someone on Twitter trading back and forth replies. but there is still that end point where this stops and we move on. If you think about how many followers many of us have on Twitter or Facebook, it can easily run into the hundreds or thousands. How many of these connections are taken off-line and developed into real relationships as you get to know the other person and become friends? Not very many unfortunately.

Very often, exchanges we have online with others can be interpreted in so many different ways. For example, I have tweeted or retweeted things before that others took offense to just because they thought it was meant for them or meant something that it never was intended to represent. That is how easy messages online can cause misunderstandings. I have lost opportunities to work with companies before all because they thought what I shared online was tied to them and without meeting in person to explain your side, things can get out of hand quickly and turn sour. You have to always be alert and aware what you say and how it makes an impact on others. Same thing with debates online where you may have an opinion on something and share openly your thoughts. Others may debate with you and they have that right. But, once again, what is shared online can be taken the wrong way and cause problems. Too many times, we disagree with people based on what they share online and blow them off throwing them to the side like they are a castaway. We need to remember we are dealing with real human beings online who have real feelings. There are real people behind a Twitter picture or Facebook profile.

One very good example of a local gathering that started online and has successfully transitioned to an offline activity each month is called #kcbowling on Twitter. It started several months ago with a few people who decided they wanted to meet in person to have fun talking and bowling at a local bowling alley. I found out about this monthly gathering and now go when I can to it each month. A Twtvite (short for invite via Twitter) is sent out letting people know when the event is and where it is. Anyone can come and attend it and it is a great opportunity to meet people in real life that you may talk to online on Twitter. I met many great friends just by attending this event and encourage anyone wanting to attend to check it out by searching for the hashtag #kcbowling. As recently as last night, May 15, I attended it and had a chance to bowl with a group of guys who I have only talked with online a few times and a few I had not met yet. So, it was a great opportunity to get to know people and when we reconnect online, we know more about each other each time.

Another great example of a local KC gathering that has moved from online to offline events is the Social Media Club of Kansas City or #smckc as it is known on Twitter. We have monthly breakfast events, happy hours, and lunch gatherings where people can meet in person and get to know each other better. Again, I have met many wonderful people via these events who I had only talked with online before. Many people have even found jobs via people who attended SMCKC events and they had a chance to network.

In closing, make sure you get to know people more than just trading replies online via social media tools like Twitter or Facebook. Make the effort to proactively go beyond your computer or mobile phone screen to make connections with people. Get to know them as the true person they are in real life. Don't make assumptions about who they are based only off what they share online. They may share things online that are not a true representation of their real selves and the only way you or I can find out is if we make an effort to reach out, invite them to meet offline and get to know them as the real person they are. Maybe they share things online that shows they are hurting inside or what they share is hiding an issue they are struggling with, but unless we proactively reach out and ask how they are and make an attempt to meet in person, how can we help them see through their issues?

This week, make an effort to reach out to people who you normally only talk to online and see if you can meet in person to extend your relationship or friendship. Make it real, not artificial.