How Twitter Has Been An Impact On Me In Last 2.5 Years

As I write this post, I am nearing 50,000 tweets sent out from my @markvanbaale account over the course of 2.5 years. I joined Twitter way back in August 27, 2008 and since then, Twitter has been a major part of my life in how I interact and connect with people online. I joined Twitter right around the time I went to my first tweetup (off-line meeting with those you interact with online) when I had been living in the Kansas City area for little over a year and I wanted to attempt to reach out and get to know more people in the area. At that time also, I had reached out to Ed Roberts and Zena Weist (founders) to find out more about a Social Media Club of Kansas City group they were starting. Ed and Zena told me that this group was just getting ready to start up and I joined the group right in its infancy stage when there was maybe 10-15 people going to the first breakfast meetings.

It was exciting times back then to connect and meet all of these new people via Twitter and the Social Media Club. Social media was really starting to present itself then as a viable channel to show your true self to others via the updates you chose to post online and get to know others virtually. Before the rise of social media and tools like Twitter, the best we had for connecting with people we had never met before was maybe by going to an event and talking to others. Or by a friend introducing us to others. Social media has opened up a vast world of possible connections to so many people all over the world. We are no longer limited by geographic distance or by knowing someone already. Twitter makes it incredibly easy to reach out and send a reply to someone you don't even know to connect with them. Over time, if you connect with many people and start to build relationships, this can spill over to becoming friends off-line also. I have connected to so many wonderful people that I first met via Twitter and it resulted in good friendships in real life.

In the first year I was engaged on Twitter from August 2008 to September 2009, I was involved in Social Media Club of KC and frequently attended the monthly breakfast meeting and got to know many wonderful people. There are still people who are part of this club that I associate with today. Those who decided to respect me and my differing opinions on things are the ones who I still stay in contact with. 2009 was an interesting year as I was really starting to dip my toes into what social media was all about and how effective it could be establishing relationships and sharing information with people.

When I moved on from my job in September 2009, it was not lost on me that the network I had established in the last year via Twitter would be helpful to me as I started to search for my next job. Tips for those just starting out on Twitter would be to slowly build relationships with those you engage with online and take time to ask others about their life, what they do, their passions, etc. People want to just feel valued and appreciated for who they are and when you take time to get to know others online and then have this spill over to in-person meetings, if possible, then you have extended yourself as a valuable contributer to someone's life.

I connected with my followers and let many know I was searching for my next full-time position and I had awesome support from so many as they helped give encouragement through this time. It was a year ago in March 2010 when I did have a brief stint with a local company that I will not get into, but for those who know the story, it did not work out. Truthfully, it was just not a good fit at all and after a few other issues crept in from exchanges I had with others via Twitter that escalated into nastiness, it was best to move on. To this day, I am glad I made the decision to move on to where I would be a much better fit with a company that respected me.

It has not been lost on me that 2010 was a very tough year for me in more ways than one and I will not get into details of what all transpired as most who know me know the incidents. I will just say that I was tested mentally and emotionally through various issues and as I look back on what transpired, I can only give praise to God for pulling me through each test and making me a better, stronger person as a result. I have always been the type of person where I do tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve and when you interact with people on Twitter or have people send you replies you are not ready for, it can be a challenge to deal with them in a calm and respectful manner. I will admit that I messed up many times in how I responded to some people on Twitter and that is the danger of the immediacy of this tool. If you let loose your thoughts about someone or something and don't take time to think about what or how you should say something, it can bite you. And bite you hard! I went through this lesson numerous times in 2010.

Social media is truly amazing in how it gives you the ability to share whatever is on your mind immediately and with a large audience. However, with this capability, there is the dark side that we all have to be aware of all the time. And that is that we can spread rumors or accusations far and wide if we let exchanges with others or opinions we have about issues rear their ugly head. Take it from me...always take time to think about what you wish to post before hitting that Submit button. If you are frustrated or upset about what someone said to or about you, step back and evaluate the situation. Try to look at it from the other person's point of view. Did you say or do something that may have contributed to them being mad or in how they react to you? Did you joke around a little too much and it was taken in a different light by them? We do not know the whole story about someone else and why they may share specific things online and to make an assumption or joke about these cases, we are only setting up ourselves for a possible confrontation. Believe me, I speak on these issues from experience and many of them are times I am not proud of being involved in. Many times our past experiences with others plays a major role in how we view them and when situations arise that can cause conflict, we tend to only concentrate on "what is on our screen" from past interactions and overlook anything good or positive about the other person. This can cause major problems between people and only lead to more strife and continued battles. There are still a few who dislike me from past experiences with me and that is something I cannot change. Eventually it is my hope that with time, we can see more eye to eye, but I also know there are some who will never want to make amends with me and I am fine with that. My identity is not shaped or influenced by what others think about me if they want to continue to look down on me. My identity is safe in Christ. It is through him who gives me my focus and path in life.

The start of 2011 brought a new opportunity for me as I was offered a job with a local company as an Online Marketing Specialist. It is pretty cool to me that I am also involved back in the Agricultural market as part of this job and it was a LinkedIn contact who works at this company who really helped me get my feet into the door. She cannot be thanked enough. :) Once again, it shows that leveraging your network when you are job searching can make a huge difference. Cultivating relationships with others and taking time to interact and learn about others can go a long way to helping you often in life when you need people to help.

In light of a new beginning for me in my career to start off 2011, I have spent much time in the last few weeks evaluating how I wish to continue to use Twitter. Some recent clashes with a select few has contributed some to how I view interactions with others and my openness that I have alway exhibited via my @markvanbaale account. Anytime you have an open account where you share your thoughts means you will get some naysayers or trolls who want to try and poke you to get a reaction. The type of people who do this feed off negativity and/or strife and they love to get a rise out of others in some sick and twisted way. God have mercy on their poor souls for this type of behavior. But, I have dealt with enough of this type of ridiculousness over the last year and realized I need to change how I use my time on Twitter. Here is where the following changes will happen...

My @markvanbaale Twitter account will still be an open account where anyone can read or follow me as they wish. I will be using this account to share links to articles I find interesting that I feel others would find value in also. I will also be using this account when I participate in Twitter chats like #agchat, etc. I will also continue to share any job openings I hear about in the KC area via this account and links to job leads and networking events that I share often on the KC Job Seekers blog. In addition, I will use my @markvanbale account in interacting with farmers, ranchers, other Ag professionals when I have questions tied to my job. That way, they can see my tweets when they are tagged with #Ag, #agchat, or #farm.

As for interactions with others and daily chatting, I will be doing all of that via my @mvanbaale account. This account is locked down (protected status) and will stay this way. I wish to interact with people who wish to have civil conversations with me and who I wish to connect with. If I feel we have had positive interactions in the past or if we did not, but made amends over time, then I will most likely accept your follower request to the @mvanbaale account. Those who have been nothing but trouble for me or who continue to spew false rumors or lies will not be accepted into following me and what I share via this account. I want to have as many positive, fulfilling conversations/interactions with others as I can and still do this via Twitter. But those who are nothing but negative can stay away for their own good and mine too. Those who I follow on Twitter are people who I want to learn from and share my life's moments over time so we can each strengthen our relationship. That is the essence of the beauty of Twitter in being able to do this.

With this all being said, I look forward to these new changes and what they will bring. For those who currently follow my @markvanbaale account and you wish to interact with me outside of when I share links/articles, make sure to follow @mvanbaale. Here is to more connections and positive outcomes for 2011! Thanks! :)

Final Post for 2010 - Reflection of God's Blessings

As I write this final post of 2010, it is roughly a hour until the 1st day of 2011 comes rolling in. Earlier this week, I wrote out a few thoughts on paper and then put them on my blog on some of the tough things I encountered in 2010. But after thinking more about them and a few people challenging me if I really want to go back to reflect on those bad times, I decided I don't want them to define me because they don't. So, I deleted them from my blog. Instead, I want to write this post to reflect on the great things that became part of my life or that happened to me that I count as blessings in 2010.

First off, I have been given great opportunities to serve others in volunteer capacities this year that has been a true blessing. I was asked by one of the founders of New Landings, a non-profit organization that exists to help the middle class unemployed find jobs to help lead their social media team and bring awareness to their members on how to use tools such as LinkedIn and Twitter/Facebook for the job search process. I have thoroughly enjoyed being part of New Landings lead team and planning for what the next year will bring to this organization.

I started the Job Seekers View blog as a resource to help provide job seekers with information on weekly networking events, job search workshops, career fairs, etc. in the Kansas City area. Recently, a Job Leads page was added to highlight jobs in the KC area from recruiters, companies, etc. For 2011, the plan is to have more guest posts, video interviews with local job seekers who will share what they are looking for, and interviews with those who currently have a job sharing the path they took to get to where they are today.

Also, in 2010, I got connected with Ryan Nelson, pastor at 33 Church. My family and I has been looking for a church after we left one where the lead pastor left. The most important attribute for a church for us was one where we feel welcomed and appreciated for who we are. Ryan has a heart for the Olathe community and a deep passion for loving others in community at 33 Church. I encourage you to check out 33 Church if you are looking for a place where you can be yourself and be part of a caring community.

I got connected with someone that I have got to know as a friend named Brian. Brian is celebrating 2 months sober now and it is only by God's grace that he is at that point. It is a true honor to see Brian starting to understand that God has a grand plan for him as He moves in Brian's life. It is also a privilege to walk alongside Brian to see as God works in his life. I hope to do more of this in 2011 (walk alongside people as they encounter God and his plan for them).

In addition, I worked with a few other gracious friends to start a new group in the KC area called Kansas City Social Media Group. Houlihan's in Olathe has offered their space each month for this group to meet for breakfast. A close knit group of loyal attendees comes each month where a business is featured and a panel or attendees offer advice/tips for the business. So many businesses have benefited from coming to this breakfast and getting suggestions to improve their business.

There have been so many friends who I got to know in 2010 and it is each of them who gave me support and encouragement to make it through the tough times. Thank you to each one of you! You know who you are. :)

And finally, but not least, I am so very thankful for my family. My wife and two kids mean the world to me. They have seen the heartache, hurts, and struggles I went through in 2010, but they were right there by my side to help me get back up when I felt like I could not anymore. There is nothing like the smile of your kids when your days are long. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

2010 will have many tough times that God will use for good in His time, but more importantly, wonderful memories I will cherish were made in this year.

Here is to 2011 and living for so much more!

When God Grabs A Hold of You

I was stopped in my tracks a few times this week and both times made me think about where I am in my life and what am I making as my top priority. The first time was when a good friend I know had his life changed instantly when he found out his sister and her kids were involved in a tragic accident in Gardner about a week ago. Just like that, our lives can be upended in a flash. One minute, life is good and we are moving along through our life with not a care in the world and the next minute, it can change suddenly. With the rise of social media, I have been able to keep up on the progress and news of what my good friend has shared via Facebook/Twitter what is going on with his sister and her two kids as they deal with the daily reminders of what has happened to them. Unfortunately, two lives were lost in that horrible accident and one of them was a young 13 year old child whose mom and her two sibilings are having to deal with her loss and their own fight in life as they deal with the consequences of what happened in a flash.

The second story was one that someone I have got to know via Twitter sent me. It was also one of those stories that grips your heart and makes you take a serious look at how you are living your life and what you should be focusing on. In a short summary, a father had a dream that he may die soon and he recorded his last thoughts/wishes for his family to do when he did depart from this world. No one knew about this video until the father did pass away suddenly in a tragic plane crash. That video was something the father's kids and his wife could hold onto as a reminder of who he was. He had a deep love for his kids and wife and showed it everyday. He made them his top priority no matter what came into his life.

So, how did these two stories impact me? They made me stop and think about where I am in my life and how I want to be remembered. All too often, I can easily get swept up into other people's troubles or they attempt to sweep me into their drama or I focus on something that really has no lasting value in participating in it. All the drama of this past year between Social Media Clubs in Kansas City and Johnson County and who is for who and who should represent who is utter rubbish!!! I say this even though I wrote a blog post against the formation of SMCJoCo. Now, several months later, I realize that speaking out against a club started in the area was really not what I should have been focusing on. How I look at it today is I am not responsible for what people do and who they associate with and if others find value in another Social Media Club, then all the power to them.

I do have to admit though that the fallout from my blog post and the awful accusations, name-calling, blog posts about me, etc. was absolutely not needed. Some people will know who I am talking about who took it upon themselves to put in a public forum their thoughts about me. I am as much at fault for that from things I have written about others in the past, but that is something I am moving away from. Like I said earlier, I want my life to be known for how I have helped others in a positive way or how I was the father every kid wants or the husband every wife would love to have.

I am writing this post from Lawrence where I met with a few people earlier for lunch. People who truly care about me as a person and a friend. They don't hide behind false fronts or behind tweets. I have met my fair share of "posers" this year from dealings with them either from their thoughts on what I have shared on Twitter or my blog posts or when I was not a part of their "club" anymore. Those who don't talk to you once you move away from participating in their exclusive "club" are not worth your time. Focus on those who truly want to know you outside of your online identity. Too often, we can get ourselves wrapped up into an online identity and feel like we can treat others like dirt and that is fine. It can be because we are seen as "leaders in social media" or that others bow down to whatever we say online. Too often and it is getting worse, our online identities can be placed on a pedestal based on who we are online or who we associate with. And even though this next statement may get me in some hot water, I am afraid I am starting to see some in Social Media Clubs take on an aura of "look at me, I am important!" and that is NOT what it should be about. I am not saying everyone who is part of a SMC is like this, but too often I have experienced it and it has really turned me off from wanting to continue or be a part of such a club. The only exception for a SMC that has not turned me off has been SMCLK (Social Media Club Lawrence). Every time I travel to Lawrence to meet with someone from that organization or someone who is not part of it, I am welcomed warmly. What is the difference between this group of people and others? I think it is that many here in Lawrence, outside of a select few who have not learned this lesson, want to get to know you as a person outside of your online identity. They may know about things you have done or said as part of your online identity that you knew were wrong and admitted it as so, but they don't hold that stuff against you. They know we are all human and make mistakes. They really do care about you as a person and want to be associated with you. Why can't this be true in other places? Why can't some give up their grudges and junk from things that happened in the past and treat you like you matter? Come on people, life is way too short to hold a grudge against someone. I speak from experience as I was on no speaking terms with my sister for a year since I said something about what she posted on Facebook as being a little too vulgar and she took it wrong. A whole year of my sister not wanting to speak with or acknowledge me. It hurt and it sucked!

As the two stories I mentioned in the beginning of this post showed, our lives can suddenly change in a flash and all of that crap and grudges we hold against another can haunt us forever. Don't let that happen to you! What is my whole point of this post? It is to say that I am going to focus on what is most important in my life more in the new year. My family has suffered enough at times from when I have spent a lot of time online engaging in Twitter, etc. More often than not, I have spent way too much time trying to win "approval" from people I may have angered or upset with something I may have shared online and that time is going away. It is not worth it. My focus will only be on those who really want to get to know me as a person minus what I share on Twitter, Facebook, etc. If you are someone who wants to throw barbs at me behind your Twitter handle, don't even bother to waste your time. I will only associate myself, if I can help it, with those who are positive or who I have met and know they do care about me.

I can see my Twitter list of who I follow to go down quite a bit with this move, but my thoughts on Twitter are quite different from how many may use it. I don't always follow back those who follow me. If I have a good conversation with someone on Twitter and/or someone follows me and I know them from a conversation offline, I usually follow them back. I use Twitter to communicate and learn from those who I want to be associated with.

This post is one of those times where you get something on your mind and you just want to write your thoughts out, so some of this stuff may not make much sense to some, but it was something I wanted to share. Plus, I wanted to give kudos to many who I have got to know via Twitter, Facebook, etc. who I really enjoy learning from and hearing about their lives as they share them. As for the ego-centric and those who want to only focus on negative and/or only talk to you when you are part of their "club," they can go take a hike. :)

I challenge you to think about how your year has went and to think about if maybe you need to change where your focus is and who you associate with. Make sure to only spend time with those who care about you and want to know you outside of your online identity. We are more than our Twitter handle, Facebook status updates, or blog posts. Make your life one that leaves behind a lasting legacy that can be shared with others and make a positive impact on them and so on.

Blessing Each of You Who I May Have Wronged

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." (Luke 6:27-28)

This post is one that has been weighing on me for a few days now. I was reading a devotional the other day where it talked about checking under the hood. Anger is like the lights on a dashboard. They tell you something is going on under the hood. You must find out the source of the problem. A verse was tied to this devotional from Colossians 3:8: "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips."

In the past year, I have had some instances come up where I did lash out at some people whether it was disagreements they had with how I handled blog posts, tweets, or how I seemed to go after some people because I thought what they were doing was wrong. Truthfully, in all of these cases, some people were hurt, including myself, and in reality, it was not worth it one bit. When I do Google searches on my name, some posts come up that talk about how I handled situations on my own blog and truthfully, I am not proud those posts show up for my name, but everyone has their own opinion to how they see things. I go back now and realize I should have never got involved in the comments and left it as is. It only hurt me in the end and this was not the first time I had it out with some online.

I had an incident in April where I was promoting the fact there was a Save Folgers KC Facebook page and I got into another heated debate with someone on Twitter about why I supported this initiative. It got ugly fast and as a result, I lost a few friendships from that incident where to this day, some of them still don't speak to me. Add the post I did on my own blog in June expressing why I felt there was not a need for another Social Media Club in KC to start and how I was ridiculed for taking a stand in expressing my opinion and you can see there has been an unfortunate pattern for most of this year of battling it out with many folks. It is not anything I am proud of and there are a few who continue to take jabs at me when they can.

However, as I have thought about what has happened in the past and some of the mistakes I made, Colossians 3:8 has come to my mind. In fact this verse alone is one that many of us should focus on during this time of the year when we are together with relatives and family as we all well know it is far too often that fights, arguments, etc. seem to happen when everyone gets together for the holidays.

I need to rid myself of anger and any malice I may have in my heart for some who I felt wronged me or I had a battle with this year. And to do that, I realize I need to pray and bless those who have not so good words for me and my actions this year. Also, a post by Danny Brown made me take a step back realizing whoever we criticize is Someone's Child. Behind the scenes, a wife, a kid, a parent, or a friend watch as their loved one takes heat.

So, this post is for a few who I will name here (first names, Twitter handles) and for anyone who may feel like they should go to someone they know and bless/love them even if there has been disagreements with this person. Life is too short to have grudges with others. By naming a few people here, I do not expect anything back in return unless some do want to extend the "olive branch" back to re-connect. Otherwise, I felt like the Lord was pressing on me that I needed to do this and He is right.

Kirk (@kcklo63), I have apologized to you in the past for my actions/disagreements on how I handled the Save Folgers KC discussion we had earlier this year. I know now that you just had some genuine questions about why I supported this initiative and we got into on Twitter in a way that got too personal. I hope we can re-connect down the road again maybe someday, but even if we don't, I want to wish you and your family blessings for the coming new year.

Renee (@Ms_Nene), You and I had a great friendship going before the Save Folgers KC incident went down and you did stand by my side sticking up for me many times through this mess. But, I did wrong in not stopping or heeding your request to stop engaging with others on this issue. It caused a lot of hurt for you and I apologize. I do want to wish you the very best for your new venture coming up and pray that God blesses it tremendously in the way he knows how.

Lisa (@lqualls4444), Mike (@wrytir), Jenn (@JennBailey), Steven (@whereisciao), Ed (@EdRoberts), and Jeff (@jeffisageek), I did you wrong in doing a post on my own blog about my thoughts/opinions asking why Social Media Club of Johnson County was started and causing a firestorm that many of you had to handle without knowing ahead of time that I was planning to post this message. I was part of the board at that time and should have respected the board's agreement to not speak out about this issue until the board was ready to do so. I jumped the gun and it was each of you who had to suffer the consequences. I know I have apologized before, but I want to extend my apologies again for that matter. I pray blessings on each of you as you continue to lead the SMCKC board into the new year and for each of you personally.

For anyone who may be reading this post and knows about the incident that went down over my blog post questioning the formation of SMCJoCo and how I resigned from the SMCKC board later, it was my fault for jumping the gun with my post ahead of time. When I realized the mess I had started by doing so, I came to the board apologizing for my action and requesting for them to make a decision on whether I should resign or not. It was decided I should do so and I accepted that fate. The board did not throw me under the bus. It was my own decision to resign due to my actions. I take responsibility for what transpired.

Paul (@paulevansmedia) and Sara (@sarasocialmedia), It has not been pretty between us for awhile now and I can understand why. A lot of hate and disagreements have transpired in the past from various incidents, but I feel it is time for me to realize there were things I have said that caused both of you hurt and lost trust. You had the right to start SMCJoCo and it got too personal when I had disagreements about why you started it. We may not always see eye to eye on past issues, but I do want to apologize for our clashes from the past and wish God's blessings on your business, on SMCJoCo's growth, and your personal lives. And I hope someday we can reconnect on better terms, Lord willing.

Chris (@chrisheuer) and Kristie (@kristiewells), The conversations I have had with each of you have never been very positive and I want to publicly apologize for my actions/ill thoughts towards both of you. You both have built a national organization of Social Media Clubs around the nation and done it on your own sweat and time. You should be proud of that fact and when you came to defense of when the SMCJoCo group was started, you were only sticking up for what you thought was right. I do apologize for any trouble I started and hope that understand my apology is sincere. I pray for blessings on each of you personally and professionally and for continued success for Social Media Club.

SMCKC Members, I let many of you down when I went out on a limb questioning why another SMC needed to be started in the KC area. I had my reasonings why I wrote the post at the time, but also realize now that my ramblings about another group starting and not looking at it in how this new group could be a benefit to the KC area is what caused a real mess. I represented all of you as a SMCKC board member and should have handled the situation in a much more professional manner. Instead I went out on my own to write my own blog post and strained relationships with many of you. Some of those relationships continue to be strained today and even though I may not be able to change your mind about how you feel about me, please know I do apologize. I pray for blessings on each of you for the new year and hope, Lord willing, we can re-connect in time. Thank you.

I may have forgot others who I have had a few disagreements with or that I angered so much that they wanted nothing to do with me again and for those people, I apologize for my anger, slander, and any malice I had towards you. I have messed up in the past and want to move forward with a clear conscience in my mind knowing I have extended my apologies towards those I may have wronged in some way. I do not expect anyone to return the favor or want to re-connect if they choose to not do so. I do know that for God to forgive me, I need to forgive or ask for forgiveness (extend my apologies) to anyone who may need to hear it. And that is what I wanted to do with this post.

Thank you for taking time to read this post and I want to extend blessings to each of you during these holidays and pray that you will find good tidings into the new year.

Thank You Video Message

Deep Dive Into How Social Media Has Affected Me

Have you ever had one of those times where you sense a shift in thinking on how people are using technology and how this is affecting our lives? Well, lately, I have started to notice many articles like this one, this one, and this video about how social media in general could really be having an effect on our lives. I will be right upfront with you that I truly believe that using tools like Twitter, Facebook, etc. is addicting and classifies right up there with addictions such as gambling that many lose control over managing it. I know there will be a few who will say "Hogwash!" to this belief and everyone has their right to an opinion, but I believe it is true. All we have to do is look at the generation growing up today where they are constantly texting and always connected with their phone by their side.

Quite frequently, I may meet up with others for "tweetups" and as you look around, you can see so many updating their Twitter stream or Facebook page telling others what they are doing. What happened to engaging with others who are present with you at that time?? Have we lost touch with sharing the current moment with those around us? I am writing this post as much for myself too as I have been sucked into the constant, always-on stream of tweets that I look at throughout each day. Twitter never turns off and frankly, I think it is going to cause more people to get addicted with time, if you are not already there. Guess what? I am a Twitter addict and I struggle with this all the time.

What makes us so addicted to checking our phones constantly or streams to see the latest tweets, etc.? Research has shown that dopamine makes us addicted to seeking information. Dopamine causes seeking behavior. It causes us to want, desire, seek out, and search. The wanting (dopamine) system propels us to action and if our seeking is not turned off, for a little while, then we start to run in an endless loop. With Twitter and texting, we now have almost instant gratification of our desire to seek. We get into a dopamine induced loop...we start seeking, then we get rewarded (feel pleasure) for the seeking which makes us seek more. It becomes harder and harder to stop looking at tweets, email, stop texting, or to stop checking our cellphones for new messages. The dopamine system is most powerfully stimulated when the information coming in is small so that it doesn't fully satisfy us. A short text or tweet is ideally suited to send our dopamine system raging.

Often, I get weird looks when I tell people I don't have a "smartphone." I have one of those cellphones that will probably be in a museum someday that only makes phone calls and can send text messages. I rarely ever text and usually it is only in response to when someone sends me a text. You want to know why I don't have a smartphone that allows me to browse the Internet, tweet, etc.? It is because I know if I did, I would always be connected and constantly checking it or using it to tweet the latest thing going on around me at the time. When I am present with people, I want my focus to be on them and them alone. I don't need a phone constantly going off as I get replies, DM's, etc. coming in. I will be honest in saying that it annoys me when I am with someone and their phone goes off and they look at it or take a call. It makes me wonder if I am not that important enough for them to wait and take that call later.

Don't get me wrong in thinking that I am against social media and what it provides in benefits to us. I truly believe in the value of tools such as Twitter, etc. and have connected with so many people via these tools. However, it has been how I use Twitter that has caused me a heck of a lot of headaches this year alone and with the new year approaching, I plan to take a step back and really think about how I use Twitter, etc. for my needs.

I have been told often that I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeves and I would have to agree with that belief to an extent. However, here is where I want to share why this could be the case. I grew up pretty much a loner in school and hung out with people who others may consider trouble-makers or nerds. I did that since these people accepted me for who I was and nothing more. So, as is often in school, I was picked on or bullied a lot by jocks or those who felt like they had to resort to being jerks to make themselves look good and do it at the expense of those who were their targets. This went on through high school and frankly, it sucked! I let these punks bully me around and was silent about it.

After high school, I went into the U.S. Army to get money for college and since my Dad was in the Army, he encouraged me to go this route. Basic training sucked big time and was a challenge for me since I could not always pass the physical training tests or marksmanship tests. Again, I was ridiculed and yelled at constantly by my drill sergeants and a few of my fellow soldiers. I was told I was nothing and would never pass basic training. We had a new captain over our unit and every time he saw me, he was an encouragement. He told me to keep striving forward. I will never forget the day when I did graduate from basic training and he said my name and told me to stand up in front of everyone. He told everyone that I really had a tough time going through basic training, but I stuck it out and made it and he was proud of me! Wow! After basic, I was sent over to Germany to serve the rest of my active duty time. That was another challenge in itself as I was very far from home and it was a struggle to not get homesick often. But, it was the generosity and hospitality of an American family who lived over there who allowed me to visit their home every weekend to stay and hang out that allowed me to get through my 3 years. It was called The Hospitality House Ministry as part of Cadence International that continues today to bring "family" to those soldiers who are far from home. It was the Army though that did toughen me up to the point where I was not afraid of the fear of others rejecting me and started to stand up to those who attempted to do this.

Flash-forward after I got out of the Army, dated my wife-to-be for a few years, got married, graduated from college, and took a job at a major Fortune 500 company. Eventually, I was transferred for my job to the Kansas City area 3.5 years ago. Things went well for awhile, until my job was completely changed on me and I was moved from doing things on the Web that I had done for 6 years to managing direct mail campaigns only. This was a drastic change that did not sit well with me and over time, I realized I wanted to get back into doing things on the Web.

I guess I went down a path where I shared a little bit of my history, but the reason I did that is to come to the point where social media entered into my life. Enter Twitter in August 2008. I had explored if there was a group in the KC area that met to talk about social media and I found out a Social Media Club of KC was just getting started. And also, a tweetup was to be held so naturally, I had to sign up for Twitter to make sure I felt a part of this tweetup. :-)

It was then when I got hooked on Twitter and started to use it to make many connections with people in the KC area and beyond. I had found a tool that I could use to be "social" with others and not have to do it via face to face as often. For one who always grew up with others rejecting you for who you were, it became addicting to use Twitter since so many people accepted me for who I was behind my tweets and for sharing information that was of value to others. As more people connected with me and told me that what I shared was important to them, the dopamine in me ramped up as I continued to seek and seek and seek. It was the reward system of getting reassuring comments as I tweeted more and more that started to make it addicting to me in a sense that Twitter allowed me to feel who I always wanted to be in feeling valued by others.

Flash forward to when I moved on from my job since I wanted to get more into social media and the company I was with did not or would not allow me to pursue that route. It was a mentality of "do your job" and don't share how we could use social media to interact with our customers, etc. My heart was with interacting online and doing things on the Web like I had done 6 years prior in my job so being told that I should manage direct mail campaigns and be happy about that did not sit well with me needless to say. I realized it was time for me to move on.

Moving into 2009, I continued to connect with people over Twitter, but it was my interactions with a few that caused me some heartaches. In summary, some people completely shut me out of their lives due to some "mistakes" I made in how I interacted with some people they considered friends and to be honest, it brought back those memories of feeling rejected. It hurt to be told that others did not want to be associated with me anymore. I have since apologized to those I did upset, but some have continued to shut me out. I guess what I am getting at with this reference is that I have too often connected with people via Twitter and considered many to be "friends" since they followed me and I followed them. Too often, I have spent way too much time interacting with people online and not enough time with my family or true friends in real life. I have often wondered why is that? I think it goes back to the fact that I have always strived to matter to others and when people reject you, it can cause your world to feel like it has shattered. When you rely too much on what people think about you and always try to please others, you will never feel completely satisfied. There will ALWAYS be someone who dislikes you or does not like how you do things. I think this is the reason why so many get upset when someone "unfriends" them on Facebook or stops following them on Twitter. We feel like we are connected to others we follow or who follow us, even if we may never meet them in real life. They are "virtual" friendships and there are times these online friendships can move into real life, true friendships. Maybe that is what I am searching for as I continue to use Twitter and how it can be addicting to so many. We want to feel loved, cared for, and appreciated for who we are and many times we feel this via connections on Twitter.

I have not really had any true, close friends since I moved to the Kansas City area and I think that is what I have been searching for at times as I use social media tools like Twitter, Facebook, etc. I want to connect with others, but take it a step more to really get to know them offline. Unfortunately, as more technology tools enter our lives, they are moving us away from in-person interactions I believe. We need to all take a step back and think about how we use social media.

Over time, as I have continued to job search, I have felt I need to stop the constant checking of my Twitter stream to feel that dopamine surge I get when getting replies or responding to others and step away from my computer. I think my OCD may also play a factor in how I try to always feel like I need to check for the latest tweets in case I miss something important as part of my job search. I am not saying I need to abandon Twitter altogether as I still think it is useful for connecting with others, but I have realized it has taken way more time than I should allocate to it when I should be out meeting people face to face for potential job opportunities. That is my goal going into the new year. Connect with some people on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook for starters and take it offline to engage with them further. Too often, we engage with people and can have wonderful conversations via DM's or in the public stream and that is great, but why don't we take it offline more?

As Thanksgiving comes upon us, I am thankful for the incredible numbers of people I have engaged with online and continue to do so today, but I want to take that "Thanks" to the next level. I want to engage with more of you offline and get to know you at a deeper level if you are willing to go there. In reality, we each need one another as we walk our journey in life. So, if you start to see me asking if you want to meet for coffee, lunch, or a beer at the end of the day, you will understand that I just want to get to know you more.

I want to challenge each of you to take a step back as we close out 2010 and think about how you have used social media tools this past year. How can you take a relationship you have started online and take it to the next level to get to know people in a more deeper way? Much like the name of a business started by someone I have got to know via Twitter and in real life has the initials IRL as part of its identity, let's start to move more of our online interactions to real life.

Who is with me to commit to this level of interaction in 2011?

How to Develop Skin of a Rhino and Soul of an Angel

This next post covers a chapter in a book I have had for awhile now that I pick up every once in awhile to read through it. The name of the book is The Other 90% by Robert K. Cooper. It talks about how to unlock the untapped potential for leadership and in life.

In our society, there are too many enticements for us to lie and look away. Feign loyalty and then seize what we want or backstab for our own gain. Smile and schmooze while at the same time thinking about how we can use someone to our advantage. Our society can be a dog eat dog world at times, especially in the job search scene.

That is why developing the skin of a rhino is so important. The thinner the skin, the less able we are to handle self-doubt or criticism from others. It is necessary to have a thick enough skin to meet the barbs and arrows of life while having the courage to say what you mean and mean what you say, even when others don't like it.

Keep these insights in mind:
1. Don't take things personally; someone's always going to be mad at you and that's okay. What other people convey in what they say, feel, think, and do is rarely about you. Instead it is almost always about them. It could be that the person who criticizes you is having a tough time in their life right now or they feel threatened and the only way they can act tough is to put someone else down. Or maybe the person who puts you down sees the world in a different way and what you do or say is in opposition to what they believe, so they feel it is their right to tell you otherwise. Keep this in mind: There is no point in hitching your self-esteem to the fickle whims of others. Don't waste time trying to please them. Let your life speak.

What follows is for those who feel it is necessary and right to criticize others for their own good. Most people experience criticism as a disturbing, negative encounter that feels like a personal attack. Even if you do not say anything directly mean about a person or your beliefs are that this person should be called out for something, don't do it. We loathe critical remarks from people who know us little, if at all. When you are visible online and speak your mind, you will get people who criticize you or try to make you look bad in front of others. Don't let them have that glory. For those who attempt to point out weaknesses in others, bear in mind that motivation is primarily intrinsic. It must come from within a person. We cannot force it from the outside.

If you are receiving criticism from others, decide if this feedback is based on genuine concern and support for your well-being and advancement. If it is, consider it with care. If not, ask yourself, Is this criticism given from a place of jealousy, envy, or politics? If it is, acknowledge hearing it but don't internalize it. Don't let others take unwarranted potshots at your inner confidence.

2. Stop trying to "fix" anyone else or "take care of" their struggles. It is not your job. By challenging existing attitudes or behaviors, you stimulate healthy development in others. By being unwilling to sweep difficult issues under the rug, you demonstrate that you are willing to invest time and energy to tackle tough issues that you could have avoided.

3. Choose truth over harmony. Seeking the truth or finding a way to face and solve a difficult situation almost always matters more than preserving harmony. When you search for truth in yourself and others and get ready to express yourself, don't confront, convey. Most important thing is to be yourself and be heard. On occasion, we must take risks with our voice and views, even when we're certain to anger others. However, time these moments with care. Often, you have to practice constraint and calmness in certain volatile situations.

On the other hand, developing the soul of an angel is essential. Angels inspire us and are bright lights in our world, likened to invisible friends watching over us but rarely interfering or intervening. We speak of angel investors as those who are first to see and fund the promise of a new idea or venture. Mother Teresa was called both a living saint and an angel of mercy. She touched the world in much the way that an angel might.

Research indicates many of the individuals who make the greatest difference in the world combine the qualities of personal humility and unwavering resolve to do what is right and a great willingness to credit others when things go well.

What are some qualities of angels?
1. Angels don't worry about you, they believe in you. They believe in the dreams and aspirations you want to see become true in your life. Impossible is not a term they hold for you. Anything is possible. In what ways do you help others sense their own possibilities?
2. Angels don't try to fix everything or take away life's lessons. They wait patiently nearby, observing the lessons being learned. They are not interested in giving us an easy way out. They may plant a thoughtful question or kind reminder. From time to time, they give us a needed nudge in a new direction.
3. No matter what their size, angels are large in spirit. They know when to choose being kind over being correct and when to remain detached from our own necessary, and sometimes difficult, learning.

When you interact with others, pause and consider how you aid them. Do you have the soul of an angel in helping to bring out the best in them? Let us choose to become more like angels.

In closing, think about how you live your life and how you can start to develop the skin of a rhino in deflecting the barbs thrown at you by others who attempt to criticize you and develop the soul of an angel in helping others and lifting them up to believe in themselves.