How to Develop Skin of a Rhino and Soul of an Angel

This next post covers a chapter in a book I have had for awhile now that I pick up every once in awhile to read through it. The name of the book is The Other 90% by Robert K. Cooper. It talks about how to unlock the untapped potential for leadership and in life.

In our society, there are too many enticements for us to lie and look away. Feign loyalty and then seize what we want or backstab for our own gain. Smile and schmooze while at the same time thinking about how we can use someone to our advantage. Our society can be a dog eat dog world at times, especially in the job search scene.

That is why developing the skin of a rhino is so important. The thinner the skin, the less able we are to handle self-doubt or criticism from others. It is necessary to have a thick enough skin to meet the barbs and arrows of life while having the courage to say what you mean and mean what you say, even when others don't like it.

Keep these insights in mind:
1. Don't take things personally; someone's always going to be mad at you and that's okay. What other people convey in what they say, feel, think, and do is rarely about you. Instead it is almost always about them. It could be that the person who criticizes you is having a tough time in their life right now or they feel threatened and the only way they can act tough is to put someone else down. Or maybe the person who puts you down sees the world in a different way and what you do or say is in opposition to what they believe, so they feel it is their right to tell you otherwise. Keep this in mind: There is no point in hitching your self-esteem to the fickle whims of others. Don't waste time trying to please them. Let your life speak.

What follows is for those who feel it is necessary and right to criticize others for their own good. Most people experience criticism as a disturbing, negative encounter that feels like a personal attack. Even if you do not say anything directly mean about a person or your beliefs are that this person should be called out for something, don't do it. We loathe critical remarks from people who know us little, if at all. When you are visible online and speak your mind, you will get people who criticize you or try to make you look bad in front of others. Don't let them have that glory. For those who attempt to point out weaknesses in others, bear in mind that motivation is primarily intrinsic. It must come from within a person. We cannot force it from the outside.

If you are receiving criticism from others, decide if this feedback is based on genuine concern and support for your well-being and advancement. If it is, consider it with care. If not, ask yourself, Is this criticism given from a place of jealousy, envy, or politics? If it is, acknowledge hearing it but don't internalize it. Don't let others take unwarranted potshots at your inner confidence.

2. Stop trying to "fix" anyone else or "take care of" their struggles. It is not your job. By challenging existing attitudes or behaviors, you stimulate healthy development in others. By being unwilling to sweep difficult issues under the rug, you demonstrate that you are willing to invest time and energy to tackle tough issues that you could have avoided.

3. Choose truth over harmony. Seeking the truth or finding a way to face and solve a difficult situation almost always matters more than preserving harmony. When you search for truth in yourself and others and get ready to express yourself, don't confront, convey. Most important thing is to be yourself and be heard. On occasion, we must take risks with our voice and views, even when we're certain to anger others. However, time these moments with care. Often, you have to practice constraint and calmness in certain volatile situations.

On the other hand, developing the soul of an angel is essential. Angels inspire us and are bright lights in our world, likened to invisible friends watching over us but rarely interfering or intervening. We speak of angel investors as those who are first to see and fund the promise of a new idea or venture. Mother Teresa was called both a living saint and an angel of mercy. She touched the world in much the way that an angel might.

Research indicates many of the individuals who make the greatest difference in the world combine the qualities of personal humility and unwavering resolve to do what is right and a great willingness to credit others when things go well.

What are some qualities of angels?
1. Angels don't worry about you, they believe in you. They believe in the dreams and aspirations you want to see become true in your life. Impossible is not a term they hold for you. Anything is possible. In what ways do you help others sense their own possibilities?
2. Angels don't try to fix everything or take away life's lessons. They wait patiently nearby, observing the lessons being learned. They are not interested in giving us an easy way out. They may plant a thoughtful question or kind reminder. From time to time, they give us a needed nudge in a new direction.
3. No matter what their size, angels are large in spirit. They know when to choose being kind over being correct and when to remain detached from our own necessary, and sometimes difficult, learning.

When you interact with others, pause and consider how you aid them. Do you have the soul of an angel in helping to bring out the best in them? Let us choose to become more like angels.

In closing, think about how you live your life and how you can start to develop the skin of a rhino in deflecting the barbs thrown at you by others who attempt to criticize you and develop the soul of an angel in helping others and lifting them up to believe in themselves.