I got a book the other day by Stephen Arterburn called "Reframe Your Life: Transforming Your Pain Into Purpose" and I plan to share a few statements from this book and my thoughts in a series of posts over the next few days. The book focuses on how we need to look at what happens to us in the past via a process called reframing. Just as a frame on a picture enhances or detracts from the beauty of the art, how we frame ourselves and the events in our lives determines whether or not those events add or detract from the value and even the beauty of our lives. So many of us live in defeat. We remain stuck in mistakes we made or mistakes caused by others. It could be that a person or a group of people lashed out at you over something you said or did and as a result, one can be stuck in a state of bitterness or resentment that can eat you alive. You may never be able to resolve your past until you reframe your past and see it in a whole new light. Just as we frame a picture, we put a frame around our reality and we view all that happens to us through that frame or that perspective.
What are some barriers to reframing? One is stubborn resistance. Can you relate to those who so desperately need help but have a hard time opening up to the help they need? When you are in stubborn resistance, you may refuse to listen to what others share with you about things they see that are causing problems in your life. You may even project your problem onto someone else or blame them for the way you are. Your life becomes reactive to those who challenge you and you get stuck in ruts of your own doing. You may even hurt yourself and others around you, essentially allowing "boils" to fester in almost every area of your life. Those in this condition, no matter how painful life might become, refuse to budge and stand by what they believe is the right thing to do. I have to share that by personal experience I have done this before. I have wrote blogs posts or tweets that I stood by with all of my stubborn resistance without thinking about how others viewed what I wrote.
What is the antidote to stubborn resistance? It is Willingness. It is very difficult to implement this antidote after you have become so ingrained in your own way of seeing the world or others and react to it defensively. It takes time to have a willing heart or mind, especially if you have been hurt or rejected in the past by others. Willingness is the ability to see things from another person's perspective or at least be interested enough to acknowledge that not everyone sees things the way you do. Willing people realize not only that they are not always right, but they need to make things right when they wrong. So, in my case where I wrote a controversial blog post about a new SMC chapter that I did not believe needed to be started, I was resistant to others who shared their viewpoints or comments. Now that I look back, I realize that being more open minded or having a spirit of willingness would have made the outcome more positive or at least given me the opportunity to hear what others had to share. In a spirit of willingness, I decided to step down from the SMCKC executive board when asked to and I also stepped away as a member of SMCKC under my own decision. It is only through a willing heart can a person learn how to take what happened and reframe it for good. How am I reframing this particular issue? I do see where I went wrong now and have learned from it so I have a more open mind to opinions shared by others on issues that I may not agree with. If we all agreed with or disagreed with each other, we would never have the opportunities to learn valuable viewpoints from one another. Do I miss some of the good friendships I had with SMCKC members who didn't want anything to do with me after that controversial post and how I reacted defensively to so many? Sure, I do. But, I have learned that there will be some who are willing to forgive others for mistakes they did and reach back out to those who upset them before and there are others where that will never be the case. I am fine either way. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and some mistakes may be viewed by others as "recurring" often so they believe there should be no need to give such people who do this more chances. But, the fact of the matter is that God told us to forgive one another seventy-times seven (Matthew 18:22) and not hold one's mistakes against them. You cannot limit forgiveness. In Luke 17:3-4, it says: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." If it weren't for God forgiving us all the time for the times when we have come up short, we would be lost. So, we need to forgive each other. That is the only way we will experience God's blessings on our lives by forgiving no matter how many mistakes are done by others or hurtful things are said to us.
Do you have a stubborn resistance that needs to be reframed to having a willing heart towards others? Believe me, it is worth taking time to reframe and embrace willingness.
In the next post, we will dig into the next obstacle to reframing: Justifiable Resentment. Until then, may you take a look at your own life and think about how you can reframe how you view things from the past and look at them in a new light.
What are some barriers to reframing? One is stubborn resistance. Can you relate to those who so desperately need help but have a hard time opening up to the help they need? When you are in stubborn resistance, you may refuse to listen to what others share with you about things they see that are causing problems in your life. You may even project your problem onto someone else or blame them for the way you are. Your life becomes reactive to those who challenge you and you get stuck in ruts of your own doing. You may even hurt yourself and others around you, essentially allowing "boils" to fester in almost every area of your life. Those in this condition, no matter how painful life might become, refuse to budge and stand by what they believe is the right thing to do. I have to share that by personal experience I have done this before. I have wrote blogs posts or tweets that I stood by with all of my stubborn resistance without thinking about how others viewed what I wrote.
What is the antidote to stubborn resistance? It is Willingness. It is very difficult to implement this antidote after you have become so ingrained in your own way of seeing the world or others and react to it defensively. It takes time to have a willing heart or mind, especially if you have been hurt or rejected in the past by others. Willingness is the ability to see things from another person's perspective or at least be interested enough to acknowledge that not everyone sees things the way you do. Willing people realize not only that they are not always right, but they need to make things right when they wrong. So, in my case where I wrote a controversial blog post about a new SMC chapter that I did not believe needed to be started, I was resistant to others who shared their viewpoints or comments. Now that I look back, I realize that being more open minded or having a spirit of willingness would have made the outcome more positive or at least given me the opportunity to hear what others had to share. In a spirit of willingness, I decided to step down from the SMCKC executive board when asked to and I also stepped away as a member of SMCKC under my own decision. It is only through a willing heart can a person learn how to take what happened and reframe it for good. How am I reframing this particular issue? I do see where I went wrong now and have learned from it so I have a more open mind to opinions shared by others on issues that I may not agree with. If we all agreed with or disagreed with each other, we would never have the opportunities to learn valuable viewpoints from one another. Do I miss some of the good friendships I had with SMCKC members who didn't want anything to do with me after that controversial post and how I reacted defensively to so many? Sure, I do. But, I have learned that there will be some who are willing to forgive others for mistakes they did and reach back out to those who upset them before and there are others where that will never be the case. I am fine either way. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and some mistakes may be viewed by others as "recurring" often so they believe there should be no need to give such people who do this more chances. But, the fact of the matter is that God told us to forgive one another seventy-times seven (Matthew 18:22) and not hold one's mistakes against them. You cannot limit forgiveness. In Luke 17:3-4, it says: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." If it weren't for God forgiving us all the time for the times when we have come up short, we would be lost. So, we need to forgive each other. That is the only way we will experience God's blessings on our lives by forgiving no matter how many mistakes are done by others or hurtful things are said to us.
Do you have a stubborn resistance that needs to be reframed to having a willing heart towards others? Believe me, it is worth taking time to reframe and embrace willingness.
In the next post, we will dig into the next obstacle to reframing: Justifiable Resentment. Until then, may you take a look at your own life and think about how you can reframe how you view things from the past and look at them in a new light.
Posts
3 comments:
[...] The Life Story of Mark Skip to content Home ← ReFraming Your Life – A Process (Be Willing) [...]
[...] Your Pain Into Purpose” and my thoughts/personal stories related to what I share. In my first post, I shared one of the barriers to “reframing” in your life is stubborn resistance to other [...]
[...] Pain Into Purpose” and share my thoughts. You can find my other posts related to this book here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part [...]
Post a Comment