Relationships go deeper than talking on Twitter or Facebook

This post was inspired by a sermon at Olathe Christian Church where they talked about how relationships need to go deeper than social media. That sermon can be viewed here: http://bit.ly/cNqVek and it is well worth watching. One statement in this sermon caught my attention and it was "Pursue relationships proactively instead of reactively. Technology makes us relationally reactive. When someone sends you a tweet or message via social media tools, we react to it so much that we lose the art of pursuing or proactively reaching out to connect in a true manner. If a person stops sending us messages online, we move to the next person who is willing to send us messages we can react to." I think in many ways, these statements are very true. I have done this many times where someone will send me a reply on Twitter and I react to it by responding back and myself and the other person moves on to the next person who sends a message. There are times when I will have a conversation with someone on Twitter trading back and forth replies. but there is still that end point where this stops and we move on. If you think about how many followers many of us have on Twitter or Facebook, it can easily run into the hundreds or thousands. How many of these connections are taken off-line and developed into real relationships as you get to know the other person and become friends? Not very many unfortunately.

Very often, exchanges we have online with others can be interpreted in so many different ways. For example, I have tweeted or retweeted things before that others took offense to just because they thought it was meant for them or meant something that it never was intended to represent. That is how easy messages online can cause misunderstandings. I have lost opportunities to work with companies before all because they thought what I shared online was tied to them and without meeting in person to explain your side, things can get out of hand quickly and turn sour. You have to always be alert and aware what you say and how it makes an impact on others. Same thing with debates online where you may have an opinion on something and share openly your thoughts. Others may debate with you and they have that right. But, once again, what is shared online can be taken the wrong way and cause problems. Too many times, we disagree with people based on what they share online and blow them off throwing them to the side like they are a castaway. We need to remember we are dealing with real human beings online who have real feelings. There are real people behind a Twitter picture or Facebook profile.

One very good example of a local gathering that started online and has successfully transitioned to an offline activity each month is called #kcbowling on Twitter. It started several months ago with a few people who decided they wanted to meet in person to have fun talking and bowling at a local bowling alley. I found out about this monthly gathering and now go when I can to it each month. A Twtvite (short for invite via Twitter) is sent out letting people know when the event is and where it is. Anyone can come and attend it and it is a great opportunity to meet people in real life that you may talk to online on Twitter. I met many great friends just by attending this event and encourage anyone wanting to attend to check it out by searching for the hashtag #kcbowling. As recently as last night, May 15, I attended it and had a chance to bowl with a group of guys who I have only talked with online a few times and a few I had not met yet. So, it was a great opportunity to get to know people and when we reconnect online, we know more about each other each time.

Another great example of a local KC gathering that has moved from online to offline events is the Social Media Club of Kansas City or #smckc as it is known on Twitter. We have monthly breakfast events, happy hours, and lunch gatherings where people can meet in person and get to know each other better. Again, I have met many wonderful people via these events who I had only talked with online before. Many people have even found jobs via people who attended SMCKC events and they had a chance to network.

In closing, make sure you get to know people more than just trading replies online via social media tools like Twitter or Facebook. Make the effort to proactively go beyond your computer or mobile phone screen to make connections with people. Get to know them as the true person they are in real life. Don't make assumptions about who they are based only off what they share online. They may share things online that are not a true representation of their real selves and the only way you or I can find out is if we make an effort to reach out, invite them to meet offline and get to know them as the real person they are. Maybe they share things online that shows they are hurting inside or what they share is hiding an issue they are struggling with, but unless we proactively reach out and ask how they are and make an attempt to meet in person, how can we help them see through their issues?

This week, make an effort to reach out to people who you normally only talk to online and see if you can meet in person to extend your relationship or friendship. Make it real, not artificial.

Social networking - all about connections

For the great majority of human history, people resided in small, intimate hunter-gatherer communities. We have been embedded in off-line social networks for much of our lives. Many times, in today's day and age, when people think of social networks, they think of Twitter, Facebook, etc. These tools enable us to connect with so many more people than we ever used to via the phone, email, or in person. But, they are just tools. The real social networking occurs when we connect with people and share in each other's lives. Those companies that find the most success in using social networking tools to reach out to people are those that take time to interact and get to know those who follow them. That is why I don't understand those companies that use Twitter and Facebook to broadcast messages. Sure, you can reach a vast number of people with messages via social networking tools, but why waste time on them if you are not going to invest time in interacting with your customers? Many companies are starting to turn social media tools into the "new direct mail" that so many have received that we tire of easily.

Besides companies, there are many people who have various reasons for how they use social networking tools in their life. I have been asked a few times by some on how I use Twitter and what is my goal in using these tools? To be honest, I don't have a set goal in using Twitter, Facebook, etc. and how I use them may differ from how others use them. I use social networking tools to connect with people and build relationships with them. I also find great joy in connecting people I know with others who could help them in some way. Example: Recently, a good friend of mine, Laura Wynn tweeted she was looking for a photographer to take photos of the Linking Women luncheon that is held every month. I was sent a direct message from Jenae Weinbrenner mentioning she is a photographer by profession. I then sent a note directly to Laura mentioning she should talk to Jenae. They connected and at the May Linking Women luncheon, Jenae took wonderful photographs that were loved by so many there. She just recently agreed to be the Linking Women permanent photographer! Congratulations, Jenae! This is what TRUE social networking is all about!

I have also had a few claim I use social networking tools as a form of online therapy since I will at times share quotes, Bible verses, or the struggles I am facing. Some believe I have built a certain persona on Twitter and should only stick to this perceived persona that others expect to see from me. But the truth is that the struggles I go through are a part of my life and it helps me to share with others what is on my mind. I have found many times that by doing this, I am able to connect with those who can relate and give me advice, tips on how to deal with things. Again, to me, this is TRUE social networking. There are many I know who have found hope or new confidence just by posting a message online about what they are going through and others reaching out to them. In fact, there are some who the only connections they may have are through social networking tools. We see this in the way Facebook is used for grandparents who stay connected to their kids and grandkids via photos, messages, video shared on Facebook.

Nicholas Christakis explores how the large-scale, face-to-face social networks in which we are embedded affect our lives: The hidden influence of social networks. We are interconnected to hundreds or thousands of specific people, most of whom we do not know. We affect them and they affect us.

I have made great friends with many via Twitter or Facebook and many reside in the Kansas City area. I would not have met them without social networking tools that enabled virtual connections first and then off-line meetings later via tweet-ups or other community gatherings through Social Media Club of KC events. So I will continue to connect with people virtually, try to get opportunities to meet them off-line if possible, and connect them with others. In reality, it is like a circle of networking in this way. Connect, meet, introduce and so on.

How have social networking tools helped you in your life? How do you use these tools? Do you blend in your personal life with your professional life online or do you keep them separate?