Final Post for 2010 - Reflection of God's Blessings

As I write this final post of 2010, it is roughly a hour until the 1st day of 2011 comes rolling in. Earlier this week, I wrote out a few thoughts on paper and then put them on my blog on some of the tough things I encountered in 2010. But after thinking more about them and a few people challenging me if I really want to go back to reflect on those bad times, I decided I don't want them to define me because they don't. So, I deleted them from my blog. Instead, I want to write this post to reflect on the great things that became part of my life or that happened to me that I count as blessings in 2010.

First off, I have been given great opportunities to serve others in volunteer capacities this year that has been a true blessing. I was asked by one of the founders of New Landings, a non-profit organization that exists to help the middle class unemployed find jobs to help lead their social media team and bring awareness to their members on how to use tools such as LinkedIn and Twitter/Facebook for the job search process. I have thoroughly enjoyed being part of New Landings lead team and planning for what the next year will bring to this organization.

I started the Job Seekers View blog as a resource to help provide job seekers with information on weekly networking events, job search workshops, career fairs, etc. in the Kansas City area. Recently, a Job Leads page was added to highlight jobs in the KC area from recruiters, companies, etc. For 2011, the plan is to have more guest posts, video interviews with local job seekers who will share what they are looking for, and interviews with those who currently have a job sharing the path they took to get to where they are today.

Also, in 2010, I got connected with Ryan Nelson, pastor at 33 Church. My family and I has been looking for a church after we left one where the lead pastor left. The most important attribute for a church for us was one where we feel welcomed and appreciated for who we are. Ryan has a heart for the Olathe community and a deep passion for loving others in community at 33 Church. I encourage you to check out 33 Church if you are looking for a place where you can be yourself and be part of a caring community.

I got connected with someone that I have got to know as a friend named Brian. Brian is celebrating 2 months sober now and it is only by God's grace that he is at that point. It is a true honor to see Brian starting to understand that God has a grand plan for him as He moves in Brian's life. It is also a privilege to walk alongside Brian to see as God works in his life. I hope to do more of this in 2011 (walk alongside people as they encounter God and his plan for them).

In addition, I worked with a few other gracious friends to start a new group in the KC area called Kansas City Social Media Group. Houlihan's in Olathe has offered their space each month for this group to meet for breakfast. A close knit group of loyal attendees comes each month where a business is featured and a panel or attendees offer advice/tips for the business. So many businesses have benefited from coming to this breakfast and getting suggestions to improve their business.

There have been so many friends who I got to know in 2010 and it is each of them who gave me support and encouragement to make it through the tough times. Thank you to each one of you! You know who you are. :)

And finally, but not least, I am so very thankful for my family. My wife and two kids mean the world to me. They have seen the heartache, hurts, and struggles I went through in 2010, but they were right there by my side to help me get back up when I felt like I could not anymore. There is nothing like the smile of your kids when your days are long. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

2010 will have many tough times that God will use for good in His time, but more importantly, wonderful memories I will cherish were made in this year.

Here is to 2011 and living for so much more!

When God Grabs A Hold of You

I was stopped in my tracks a few times this week and both times made me think about where I am in my life and what am I making as my top priority. The first time was when a good friend I know had his life changed instantly when he found out his sister and her kids were involved in a tragic accident in Gardner about a week ago. Just like that, our lives can be upended in a flash. One minute, life is good and we are moving along through our life with not a care in the world and the next minute, it can change suddenly. With the rise of social media, I have been able to keep up on the progress and news of what my good friend has shared via Facebook/Twitter what is going on with his sister and her two kids as they deal with the daily reminders of what has happened to them. Unfortunately, two lives were lost in that horrible accident and one of them was a young 13 year old child whose mom and her two sibilings are having to deal with her loss and their own fight in life as they deal with the consequences of what happened in a flash.

The second story was one that someone I have got to know via Twitter sent me. It was also one of those stories that grips your heart and makes you take a serious look at how you are living your life and what you should be focusing on. In a short summary, a father had a dream that he may die soon and he recorded his last thoughts/wishes for his family to do when he did depart from this world. No one knew about this video until the father did pass away suddenly in a tragic plane crash. That video was something the father's kids and his wife could hold onto as a reminder of who he was. He had a deep love for his kids and wife and showed it everyday. He made them his top priority no matter what came into his life.

So, how did these two stories impact me? They made me stop and think about where I am in my life and how I want to be remembered. All too often, I can easily get swept up into other people's troubles or they attempt to sweep me into their drama or I focus on something that really has no lasting value in participating in it. All the drama of this past year between Social Media Clubs in Kansas City and Johnson County and who is for who and who should represent who is utter rubbish!!! I say this even though I wrote a blog post against the formation of SMCJoCo. Now, several months later, I realize that speaking out against a club started in the area was really not what I should have been focusing on. How I look at it today is I am not responsible for what people do and who they associate with and if others find value in another Social Media Club, then all the power to them.

I do have to admit though that the fallout from my blog post and the awful accusations, name-calling, blog posts about me, etc. was absolutely not needed. Some people will know who I am talking about who took it upon themselves to put in a public forum their thoughts about me. I am as much at fault for that from things I have written about others in the past, but that is something I am moving away from. Like I said earlier, I want my life to be known for how I have helped others in a positive way or how I was the father every kid wants or the husband every wife would love to have.

I am writing this post from Lawrence where I met with a few people earlier for lunch. People who truly care about me as a person and a friend. They don't hide behind false fronts or behind tweets. I have met my fair share of "posers" this year from dealings with them either from their thoughts on what I have shared on Twitter or my blog posts or when I was not a part of their "club" anymore. Those who don't talk to you once you move away from participating in their exclusive "club" are not worth your time. Focus on those who truly want to know you outside of your online identity. Too often, we can get ourselves wrapped up into an online identity and feel like we can treat others like dirt and that is fine. It can be because we are seen as "leaders in social media" or that others bow down to whatever we say online. Too often and it is getting worse, our online identities can be placed on a pedestal based on who we are online or who we associate with. And even though this next statement may get me in some hot water, I am afraid I am starting to see some in Social Media Clubs take on an aura of "look at me, I am important!" and that is NOT what it should be about. I am not saying everyone who is part of a SMC is like this, but too often I have experienced it and it has really turned me off from wanting to continue or be a part of such a club. The only exception for a SMC that has not turned me off has been SMCLK (Social Media Club Lawrence). Every time I travel to Lawrence to meet with someone from that organization or someone who is not part of it, I am welcomed warmly. What is the difference between this group of people and others? I think it is that many here in Lawrence, outside of a select few who have not learned this lesson, want to get to know you as a person outside of your online identity. They may know about things you have done or said as part of your online identity that you knew were wrong and admitted it as so, but they don't hold that stuff against you. They know we are all human and make mistakes. They really do care about you as a person and want to be associated with you. Why can't this be true in other places? Why can't some give up their grudges and junk from things that happened in the past and treat you like you matter? Come on people, life is way too short to hold a grudge against someone. I speak from experience as I was on no speaking terms with my sister for a year since I said something about what she posted on Facebook as being a little too vulgar and she took it wrong. A whole year of my sister not wanting to speak with or acknowledge me. It hurt and it sucked!

As the two stories I mentioned in the beginning of this post showed, our lives can suddenly change in a flash and all of that crap and grudges we hold against another can haunt us forever. Don't let that happen to you! What is my whole point of this post? It is to say that I am going to focus on what is most important in my life more in the new year. My family has suffered enough at times from when I have spent a lot of time online engaging in Twitter, etc. More often than not, I have spent way too much time trying to win "approval" from people I may have angered or upset with something I may have shared online and that time is going away. It is not worth it. My focus will only be on those who really want to get to know me as a person minus what I share on Twitter, Facebook, etc. If you are someone who wants to throw barbs at me behind your Twitter handle, don't even bother to waste your time. I will only associate myself, if I can help it, with those who are positive or who I have met and know they do care about me.

I can see my Twitter list of who I follow to go down quite a bit with this move, but my thoughts on Twitter are quite different from how many may use it. I don't always follow back those who follow me. If I have a good conversation with someone on Twitter and/or someone follows me and I know them from a conversation offline, I usually follow them back. I use Twitter to communicate and learn from those who I want to be associated with.

This post is one of those times where you get something on your mind and you just want to write your thoughts out, so some of this stuff may not make much sense to some, but it was something I wanted to share. Plus, I wanted to give kudos to many who I have got to know via Twitter, Facebook, etc. who I really enjoy learning from and hearing about their lives as they share them. As for the ego-centric and those who want to only focus on negative and/or only talk to you when you are part of their "club," they can go take a hike. :)

I challenge you to think about how your year has went and to think about if maybe you need to change where your focus is and who you associate with. Make sure to only spend time with those who care about you and want to know you outside of your online identity. We are more than our Twitter handle, Facebook status updates, or blog posts. Make your life one that leaves behind a lasting legacy that can be shared with others and make a positive impact on them and so on.

Blessing Each of You Who I May Have Wronged

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." (Luke 6:27-28)

This post is one that has been weighing on me for a few days now. I was reading a devotional the other day where it talked about checking under the hood. Anger is like the lights on a dashboard. They tell you something is going on under the hood. You must find out the source of the problem. A verse was tied to this devotional from Colossians 3:8: "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips."

In the past year, I have had some instances come up where I did lash out at some people whether it was disagreements they had with how I handled blog posts, tweets, or how I seemed to go after some people because I thought what they were doing was wrong. Truthfully, in all of these cases, some people were hurt, including myself, and in reality, it was not worth it one bit. When I do Google searches on my name, some posts come up that talk about how I handled situations on my own blog and truthfully, I am not proud those posts show up for my name, but everyone has their own opinion to how they see things. I go back now and realize I should have never got involved in the comments and left it as is. It only hurt me in the end and this was not the first time I had it out with some online.

I had an incident in April where I was promoting the fact there was a Save Folgers KC Facebook page and I got into another heated debate with someone on Twitter about why I supported this initiative. It got ugly fast and as a result, I lost a few friendships from that incident where to this day, some of them still don't speak to me. Add the post I did on my own blog in June expressing why I felt there was not a need for another Social Media Club in KC to start and how I was ridiculed for taking a stand in expressing my opinion and you can see there has been an unfortunate pattern for most of this year of battling it out with many folks. It is not anything I am proud of and there are a few who continue to take jabs at me when they can.

However, as I have thought about what has happened in the past and some of the mistakes I made, Colossians 3:8 has come to my mind. In fact this verse alone is one that many of us should focus on during this time of the year when we are together with relatives and family as we all well know it is far too often that fights, arguments, etc. seem to happen when everyone gets together for the holidays.

I need to rid myself of anger and any malice I may have in my heart for some who I felt wronged me or I had a battle with this year. And to do that, I realize I need to pray and bless those who have not so good words for me and my actions this year. Also, a post by Danny Brown made me take a step back realizing whoever we criticize is Someone's Child. Behind the scenes, a wife, a kid, a parent, or a friend watch as their loved one takes heat.

So, this post is for a few who I will name here (first names, Twitter handles) and for anyone who may feel like they should go to someone they know and bless/love them even if there has been disagreements with this person. Life is too short to have grudges with others. By naming a few people here, I do not expect anything back in return unless some do want to extend the "olive branch" back to re-connect. Otherwise, I felt like the Lord was pressing on me that I needed to do this and He is right.

Kirk (@kcklo63), I have apologized to you in the past for my actions/disagreements on how I handled the Save Folgers KC discussion we had earlier this year. I know now that you just had some genuine questions about why I supported this initiative and we got into on Twitter in a way that got too personal. I hope we can re-connect down the road again maybe someday, but even if we don't, I want to wish you and your family blessings for the coming new year.

Renee (@Ms_Nene), You and I had a great friendship going before the Save Folgers KC incident went down and you did stand by my side sticking up for me many times through this mess. But, I did wrong in not stopping or heeding your request to stop engaging with others on this issue. It caused a lot of hurt for you and I apologize. I do want to wish you the very best for your new venture coming up and pray that God blesses it tremendously in the way he knows how.

Lisa (@lqualls4444), Mike (@wrytir), Jenn (@JennBailey), Steven (@whereisciao), Ed (@EdRoberts), and Jeff (@jeffisageek), I did you wrong in doing a post on my own blog about my thoughts/opinions asking why Social Media Club of Johnson County was started and causing a firestorm that many of you had to handle without knowing ahead of time that I was planning to post this message. I was part of the board at that time and should have respected the board's agreement to not speak out about this issue until the board was ready to do so. I jumped the gun and it was each of you who had to suffer the consequences. I know I have apologized before, but I want to extend my apologies again for that matter. I pray blessings on each of you as you continue to lead the SMCKC board into the new year and for each of you personally.

For anyone who may be reading this post and knows about the incident that went down over my blog post questioning the formation of SMCJoCo and how I resigned from the SMCKC board later, it was my fault for jumping the gun with my post ahead of time. When I realized the mess I had started by doing so, I came to the board apologizing for my action and requesting for them to make a decision on whether I should resign or not. It was decided I should do so and I accepted that fate. The board did not throw me under the bus. It was my own decision to resign due to my actions. I take responsibility for what transpired.

Paul (@paulevansmedia) and Sara (@sarasocialmedia), It has not been pretty between us for awhile now and I can understand why. A lot of hate and disagreements have transpired in the past from various incidents, but I feel it is time for me to realize there were things I have said that caused both of you hurt and lost trust. You had the right to start SMCJoCo and it got too personal when I had disagreements about why you started it. We may not always see eye to eye on past issues, but I do want to apologize for our clashes from the past and wish God's blessings on your business, on SMCJoCo's growth, and your personal lives. And I hope someday we can reconnect on better terms, Lord willing.

Chris (@chrisheuer) and Kristie (@kristiewells), The conversations I have had with each of you have never been very positive and I want to publicly apologize for my actions/ill thoughts towards both of you. You both have built a national organization of Social Media Clubs around the nation and done it on your own sweat and time. You should be proud of that fact and when you came to defense of when the SMCJoCo group was started, you were only sticking up for what you thought was right. I do apologize for any trouble I started and hope that understand my apology is sincere. I pray for blessings on each of you personally and professionally and for continued success for Social Media Club.

SMCKC Members, I let many of you down when I went out on a limb questioning why another SMC needed to be started in the KC area. I had my reasonings why I wrote the post at the time, but also realize now that my ramblings about another group starting and not looking at it in how this new group could be a benefit to the KC area is what caused a real mess. I represented all of you as a SMCKC board member and should have handled the situation in a much more professional manner. Instead I went out on my own to write my own blog post and strained relationships with many of you. Some of those relationships continue to be strained today and even though I may not be able to change your mind about how you feel about me, please know I do apologize. I pray for blessings on each of you for the new year and hope, Lord willing, we can re-connect in time. Thank you.

I may have forgot others who I have had a few disagreements with or that I angered so much that they wanted nothing to do with me again and for those people, I apologize for my anger, slander, and any malice I had towards you. I have messed up in the past and want to move forward with a clear conscience in my mind knowing I have extended my apologies towards those I may have wronged in some way. I do not expect anyone to return the favor or want to re-connect if they choose to not do so. I do know that for God to forgive me, I need to forgive or ask for forgiveness (extend my apologies) to anyone who may need to hear it. And that is what I wanted to do with this post.

Thank you for taking time to read this post and I want to extend blessings to each of you during these holidays and pray that you will find good tidings into the new year.

Thank You Video Message

Deep Dive Into How Social Media Has Affected Me

Have you ever had one of those times where you sense a shift in thinking on how people are using technology and how this is affecting our lives? Well, lately, I have started to notice many articles like this one, this one, and this video about how social media in general could really be having an effect on our lives. I will be right upfront with you that I truly believe that using tools like Twitter, Facebook, etc. is addicting and classifies right up there with addictions such as gambling that many lose control over managing it. I know there will be a few who will say "Hogwash!" to this belief and everyone has their right to an opinion, but I believe it is true. All we have to do is look at the generation growing up today where they are constantly texting and always connected with their phone by their side.

Quite frequently, I may meet up with others for "tweetups" and as you look around, you can see so many updating their Twitter stream or Facebook page telling others what they are doing. What happened to engaging with others who are present with you at that time?? Have we lost touch with sharing the current moment with those around us? I am writing this post as much for myself too as I have been sucked into the constant, always-on stream of tweets that I look at throughout each day. Twitter never turns off and frankly, I think it is going to cause more people to get addicted with time, if you are not already there. Guess what? I am a Twitter addict and I struggle with this all the time.

What makes us so addicted to checking our phones constantly or streams to see the latest tweets, etc.? Research has shown that dopamine makes us addicted to seeking information. Dopamine causes seeking behavior. It causes us to want, desire, seek out, and search. The wanting (dopamine) system propels us to action and if our seeking is not turned off, for a little while, then we start to run in an endless loop. With Twitter and texting, we now have almost instant gratification of our desire to seek. We get into a dopamine induced loop...we start seeking, then we get rewarded (feel pleasure) for the seeking which makes us seek more. It becomes harder and harder to stop looking at tweets, email, stop texting, or to stop checking our cellphones for new messages. The dopamine system is most powerfully stimulated when the information coming in is small so that it doesn't fully satisfy us. A short text or tweet is ideally suited to send our dopamine system raging.

Often, I get weird looks when I tell people I don't have a "smartphone." I have one of those cellphones that will probably be in a museum someday that only makes phone calls and can send text messages. I rarely ever text and usually it is only in response to when someone sends me a text. You want to know why I don't have a smartphone that allows me to browse the Internet, tweet, etc.? It is because I know if I did, I would always be connected and constantly checking it or using it to tweet the latest thing going on around me at the time. When I am present with people, I want my focus to be on them and them alone. I don't need a phone constantly going off as I get replies, DM's, etc. coming in. I will be honest in saying that it annoys me when I am with someone and their phone goes off and they look at it or take a call. It makes me wonder if I am not that important enough for them to wait and take that call later.

Don't get me wrong in thinking that I am against social media and what it provides in benefits to us. I truly believe in the value of tools such as Twitter, etc. and have connected with so many people via these tools. However, it has been how I use Twitter that has caused me a heck of a lot of headaches this year alone and with the new year approaching, I plan to take a step back and really think about how I use Twitter, etc. for my needs.

I have been told often that I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeves and I would have to agree with that belief to an extent. However, here is where I want to share why this could be the case. I grew up pretty much a loner in school and hung out with people who others may consider trouble-makers or nerds. I did that since these people accepted me for who I was and nothing more. So, as is often in school, I was picked on or bullied a lot by jocks or those who felt like they had to resort to being jerks to make themselves look good and do it at the expense of those who were their targets. This went on through high school and frankly, it sucked! I let these punks bully me around and was silent about it.

After high school, I went into the U.S. Army to get money for college and since my Dad was in the Army, he encouraged me to go this route. Basic training sucked big time and was a challenge for me since I could not always pass the physical training tests or marksmanship tests. Again, I was ridiculed and yelled at constantly by my drill sergeants and a few of my fellow soldiers. I was told I was nothing and would never pass basic training. We had a new captain over our unit and every time he saw me, he was an encouragement. He told me to keep striving forward. I will never forget the day when I did graduate from basic training and he said my name and told me to stand up in front of everyone. He told everyone that I really had a tough time going through basic training, but I stuck it out and made it and he was proud of me! Wow! After basic, I was sent over to Germany to serve the rest of my active duty time. That was another challenge in itself as I was very far from home and it was a struggle to not get homesick often. But, it was the generosity and hospitality of an American family who lived over there who allowed me to visit their home every weekend to stay and hang out that allowed me to get through my 3 years. It was called The Hospitality House Ministry as part of Cadence International that continues today to bring "family" to those soldiers who are far from home. It was the Army though that did toughen me up to the point where I was not afraid of the fear of others rejecting me and started to stand up to those who attempted to do this.

Flash-forward after I got out of the Army, dated my wife-to-be for a few years, got married, graduated from college, and took a job at a major Fortune 500 company. Eventually, I was transferred for my job to the Kansas City area 3.5 years ago. Things went well for awhile, until my job was completely changed on me and I was moved from doing things on the Web that I had done for 6 years to managing direct mail campaigns only. This was a drastic change that did not sit well with me and over time, I realized I wanted to get back into doing things on the Web.

I guess I went down a path where I shared a little bit of my history, but the reason I did that is to come to the point where social media entered into my life. Enter Twitter in August 2008. I had explored if there was a group in the KC area that met to talk about social media and I found out a Social Media Club of KC was just getting started. And also, a tweetup was to be held so naturally, I had to sign up for Twitter to make sure I felt a part of this tweetup. :-)

It was then when I got hooked on Twitter and started to use it to make many connections with people in the KC area and beyond. I had found a tool that I could use to be "social" with others and not have to do it via face to face as often. For one who always grew up with others rejecting you for who you were, it became addicting to use Twitter since so many people accepted me for who I was behind my tweets and for sharing information that was of value to others. As more people connected with me and told me that what I shared was important to them, the dopamine in me ramped up as I continued to seek and seek and seek. It was the reward system of getting reassuring comments as I tweeted more and more that started to make it addicting to me in a sense that Twitter allowed me to feel who I always wanted to be in feeling valued by others.

Flash forward to when I moved on from my job since I wanted to get more into social media and the company I was with did not or would not allow me to pursue that route. It was a mentality of "do your job" and don't share how we could use social media to interact with our customers, etc. My heart was with interacting online and doing things on the Web like I had done 6 years prior in my job so being told that I should manage direct mail campaigns and be happy about that did not sit well with me needless to say. I realized it was time for me to move on.

Moving into 2009, I continued to connect with people over Twitter, but it was my interactions with a few that caused me some heartaches. In summary, some people completely shut me out of their lives due to some "mistakes" I made in how I interacted with some people they considered friends and to be honest, it brought back those memories of feeling rejected. It hurt to be told that others did not want to be associated with me anymore. I have since apologized to those I did upset, but some have continued to shut me out. I guess what I am getting at with this reference is that I have too often connected with people via Twitter and considered many to be "friends" since they followed me and I followed them. Too often, I have spent way too much time interacting with people online and not enough time with my family or true friends in real life. I have often wondered why is that? I think it goes back to the fact that I have always strived to matter to others and when people reject you, it can cause your world to feel like it has shattered. When you rely too much on what people think about you and always try to please others, you will never feel completely satisfied. There will ALWAYS be someone who dislikes you or does not like how you do things. I think this is the reason why so many get upset when someone "unfriends" them on Facebook or stops following them on Twitter. We feel like we are connected to others we follow or who follow us, even if we may never meet them in real life. They are "virtual" friendships and there are times these online friendships can move into real life, true friendships. Maybe that is what I am searching for as I continue to use Twitter and how it can be addicting to so many. We want to feel loved, cared for, and appreciated for who we are and many times we feel this via connections on Twitter.

I have not really had any true, close friends since I moved to the Kansas City area and I think that is what I have been searching for at times as I use social media tools like Twitter, Facebook, etc. I want to connect with others, but take it a step more to really get to know them offline. Unfortunately, as more technology tools enter our lives, they are moving us away from in-person interactions I believe. We need to all take a step back and think about how we use social media.

Over time, as I have continued to job search, I have felt I need to stop the constant checking of my Twitter stream to feel that dopamine surge I get when getting replies or responding to others and step away from my computer. I think my OCD may also play a factor in how I try to always feel like I need to check for the latest tweets in case I miss something important as part of my job search. I am not saying I need to abandon Twitter altogether as I still think it is useful for connecting with others, but I have realized it has taken way more time than I should allocate to it when I should be out meeting people face to face for potential job opportunities. That is my goal going into the new year. Connect with some people on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook for starters and take it offline to engage with them further. Too often, we engage with people and can have wonderful conversations via DM's or in the public stream and that is great, but why don't we take it offline more?

As Thanksgiving comes upon us, I am thankful for the incredible numbers of people I have engaged with online and continue to do so today, but I want to take that "Thanks" to the next level. I want to engage with more of you offline and get to know you at a deeper level if you are willing to go there. In reality, we each need one another as we walk our journey in life. So, if you start to see me asking if you want to meet for coffee, lunch, or a beer at the end of the day, you will understand that I just want to get to know you more.

I want to challenge each of you to take a step back as we close out 2010 and think about how you have used social media tools this past year. How can you take a relationship you have started online and take it to the next level to get to know people in a more deeper way? Much like the name of a business started by someone I have got to know via Twitter and in real life has the initials IRL as part of its identity, let's start to move more of our online interactions to real life.

Who is with me to commit to this level of interaction in 2011?

How to Develop Skin of a Rhino and Soul of an Angel

This next post covers a chapter in a book I have had for awhile now that I pick up every once in awhile to read through it. The name of the book is The Other 90% by Robert K. Cooper. It talks about how to unlock the untapped potential for leadership and in life.

In our society, there are too many enticements for us to lie and look away. Feign loyalty and then seize what we want or backstab for our own gain. Smile and schmooze while at the same time thinking about how we can use someone to our advantage. Our society can be a dog eat dog world at times, especially in the job search scene.

That is why developing the skin of a rhino is so important. The thinner the skin, the less able we are to handle self-doubt or criticism from others. It is necessary to have a thick enough skin to meet the barbs and arrows of life while having the courage to say what you mean and mean what you say, even when others don't like it.

Keep these insights in mind:
1. Don't take things personally; someone's always going to be mad at you and that's okay. What other people convey in what they say, feel, think, and do is rarely about you. Instead it is almost always about them. It could be that the person who criticizes you is having a tough time in their life right now or they feel threatened and the only way they can act tough is to put someone else down. Or maybe the person who puts you down sees the world in a different way and what you do or say is in opposition to what they believe, so they feel it is their right to tell you otherwise. Keep this in mind: There is no point in hitching your self-esteem to the fickle whims of others. Don't waste time trying to please them. Let your life speak.

What follows is for those who feel it is necessary and right to criticize others for their own good. Most people experience criticism as a disturbing, negative encounter that feels like a personal attack. Even if you do not say anything directly mean about a person or your beliefs are that this person should be called out for something, don't do it. We loathe critical remarks from people who know us little, if at all. When you are visible online and speak your mind, you will get people who criticize you or try to make you look bad in front of others. Don't let them have that glory. For those who attempt to point out weaknesses in others, bear in mind that motivation is primarily intrinsic. It must come from within a person. We cannot force it from the outside.

If you are receiving criticism from others, decide if this feedback is based on genuine concern and support for your well-being and advancement. If it is, consider it with care. If not, ask yourself, Is this criticism given from a place of jealousy, envy, or politics? If it is, acknowledge hearing it but don't internalize it. Don't let others take unwarranted potshots at your inner confidence.

2. Stop trying to "fix" anyone else or "take care of" their struggles. It is not your job. By challenging existing attitudes or behaviors, you stimulate healthy development in others. By being unwilling to sweep difficult issues under the rug, you demonstrate that you are willing to invest time and energy to tackle tough issues that you could have avoided.

3. Choose truth over harmony. Seeking the truth or finding a way to face and solve a difficult situation almost always matters more than preserving harmony. When you search for truth in yourself and others and get ready to express yourself, don't confront, convey. Most important thing is to be yourself and be heard. On occasion, we must take risks with our voice and views, even when we're certain to anger others. However, time these moments with care. Often, you have to practice constraint and calmness in certain volatile situations.

On the other hand, developing the soul of an angel is essential. Angels inspire us and are bright lights in our world, likened to invisible friends watching over us but rarely interfering or intervening. We speak of angel investors as those who are first to see and fund the promise of a new idea or venture. Mother Teresa was called both a living saint and an angel of mercy. She touched the world in much the way that an angel might.

Research indicates many of the individuals who make the greatest difference in the world combine the qualities of personal humility and unwavering resolve to do what is right and a great willingness to credit others when things go well.

What are some qualities of angels?
1. Angels don't worry about you, they believe in you. They believe in the dreams and aspirations you want to see become true in your life. Impossible is not a term they hold for you. Anything is possible. In what ways do you help others sense their own possibilities?
2. Angels don't try to fix everything or take away life's lessons. They wait patiently nearby, observing the lessons being learned. They are not interested in giving us an easy way out. They may plant a thoughtful question or kind reminder. From time to time, they give us a needed nudge in a new direction.
3. No matter what their size, angels are large in spirit. They know when to choose being kind over being correct and when to remain detached from our own necessary, and sometimes difficult, learning.

When you interact with others, pause and consider how you aid them. Do you have the soul of an angel in helping to bring out the best in them? Let us choose to become more like angels.

In closing, think about how you live your life and how you can start to develop the skin of a rhino in deflecting the barbs thrown at you by others who attempt to criticize you and develop the soul of an angel in helping others and lifting them up to believe in themselves.

Becoming aware of your thirst and how social media makes an impact

This is the second post tied to my thoughts about a book I got awhile ago called “Inside Out” by Larry Crab. In my first post, I talked about how we have different longings that we strive to have satisfied in our lives and what happens if we don't have them met. In this post, we will discuss how we need to be aware of our deep thirsts in our lives in order to change.

Changing from the inside out means to learn how to drink from the living waters of God's unchanging love so our purpose, identity and joy give us the courage to respond well whether our life is smooth or rocky.

To start taking a look at our life from the "inside out" and make changes, we first must realize and become aware of our thirst. To get free from compulsive things that clutter our lives or habits we cannot seem to break, we must realize our deep thirst. Often, we allow other things or people to become a god in our life.



Watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people. (Romans 16:17-18).

When we allow things or others to become a "god" controlling what we do or say, this appetite can take over our lives. We are ripe for being hooked when we stumble unto something that brings a sense of fulfillment to us. People feel alive in midst of consuming pleasure and also when they are in a position of power or receive applause from others. If we are not careful though, the applause and popularity others give us can cloud our vision.

Here is where I feel the addiction of social media can easily become a vice in one's life. I know since I speak from experience in my own life. One tool that has been a challenge for me to manage at times is Twitter. Especially when I have it open. There are times I have to discipline myself to shut it off so it does not continue to distract me as I attempt to work on other things. Let me emphasize "attempt to work" since Twitter delivers a never-ending stream of information from people you follow, it can easily overwhelm you and take over your attention very easily if you allow it. A study I read once said it takes on average 15 minutes for someone to get fully focused on a task. If there are interruptions that takes away our attention, we have to start over and it takes another 15 minutes to start again. If you do this over a course of a day and focus too much on tweets people are sharing or respond to replies/DM's sent your way, you can easily lose a lot of time. Also, evidence has showed that whenever someone acknowledges us either via a retweet of something we shared or via a reply or direct message to us directly, our brains are triggered to give off feelings of pleasure. We feel happy and valued when we are known by others. No wonder tweets and other social media tools can draw our attention so easily since we feel pleasure from reading and interacting with others. I have reduced the number of people I am following in an attempt to help me manage the "noise" that is always flowing in Twitter. Most of those who I follow reside in Kansas City, Lawrence, or nearby and one reason they make up the majority of people I follow is because I have met them in real life or I want to meet them in the near future.

I am not knocking that we should not use Twitter or other social media tools during our workdays, etc., but encouraging us to make sure we don't allow these tools to become like a "god" in our lives. Believe me, I am still learning how to better manage my time using Twitter, etc., since I absolutely love how easily you can interact and connect with people on there and that is something I enjoy very much. It is in my blood to interact and help people online. Now, if using social media is part of your job, then by all means use it to interact and help others, but make sure to take breaks from it during your time away from work since you can easily burn out from using social media all the time.

Now, with the increase in smartphones and location-based applications, we are even more attached to devices that allow us to be connected and "check-in" to digest information, talk with people or meet friends at places. I can see in the future where everything in our life will be documented (where we go, who we see, what we do) and it will be available online for anyone to view. Technology is available to us 24/7 with smartphones we have now. For that reason alone plus others, I do not have a smartphone. The only things I can do on my cellphone is make calls, receive and send out text messages and take photos. Remember when phones only made calls? :-) I suspect with time, I will end up getting a smartphone if a job I have requires it, but for now, I don't have one so I can focus on being present fully with those I am with. Which reminds me, how many times have you been to a "tweetup" or get-together with others and noticed many have their eyes focused on their smartphone screen as they send out a tweet, post a picture, or post a Facebook status update to document what they are doing and where they are?? What happened to being fully present and focused on those you are meeting? We are a documenting, show the world where we are society now.

In conclusion, ensuring your deep thirst is satisfied means we need to focus more on allowing God to help us change from the "inside out" and less on what people think or say we should do via social media tools. Being outdoors and out of reach is one great way to remove yourself from the constant call of technology when you need a break. This is one way I restore my soul and take a refresher in life when needed. Take time to draw close to God and allow Him to satisfy your longings in life.

How do you satisfy the deep thirst in your life? Share in the comments if you wish.

Take a Look at Your Life "Inside Out"

I took some time yesterday afternoon to take notes and go through a book I got awhile ago called "Inside Out" by Larry Crab. I will probably have a few posts tied to this book and the notes I took. Inside Out talks about how real change is possible only when you face the realities of your internal life and let God mold you into a person who is free to be honest, courageous, and loving. There are some parts of this book where as I read it, I thought to myself, that is similar to how people use social media tools. So, I will mention a few things related to social media in the posts tied to this book.

The book starts off by mentioning "most of us make it through life by coping, not changing. We rearrange what we do, but the core problems involving who we are remain only partially addressed."

Picture an iceberg on the water and how this iceberg represents you. The visible part above the waterline represents things you do, thoughts you think, and feelings you sense. Tying this to how we use social media, the visible part that people see are the tweets we send out via Twitter, the status updates we put on Facebook, or the posts we share on our blog. What we write and share with our followers/friends can be perceived in so many ways. Many times, we can easily take a tweet or status update out of context without really knowing for sure what the person meant. There is the danger of misunderstandings based on what people share online.

Back to the mental image of the iceberg, the mass below the waterline is the part that cannot be clearly seen by others. This part represents motives/attitudes of your heart, the painful memories and raging emotions you prefer to keep hidden out of view. It is here where our motives and emotions lie tied to things we send out via social media tools like Twitter or Facebook. There could be something bad we are experiencing in our life or we are dealing with a loss that can influence how and what we share online. I know there are times when I have had struggles whether that is via a lost friendship with someone or butting heads with someone on Twitter based off my beliefs on something where it helped me to tweet Scripture verses that were related to what I was going through. I have received flak for doing this at times by some, but sharing things related to my faith as a Christian is part of my identity and it helps others who may be going through similar struggles in their life.

When we take time to do an "inside look" at ourselves, we uncover thirst or deep longings for what we do not have. There are three kinds of longings. The first is basic desires that must be met if life is to be worth living. This is a crucial longing. The only way this longing can be met is through knowing God in your life. God is the only one who can fulfill this longing. No human being can do it. The second is important desires for quality relationships that add to the enjoyment of living. This is a critical longing and it can be met through a relationship with someone. Someone who loves and respects you like your spouse, friends who are there for you, etc. make up the type of relationships that meet a critical longing. The third is every other desire we experience from the trivial (I hope this restaurant is a good one) to the significant (I hope the tests that come back are negative). This is a casual longing. These longings do not involve what can be supplied only through another person's giving of himself.

What are the consequences of unsatisfied longings? If a casual longing is not satisfied, we experience manageable discomfort. Nothing external to my existence as a person is threatened if this longing is not met. If a critical longing is not satisfied, we can experience immobilizing lostness. We may feel empty and feel like no one cares about us or what we do seems unimportant. This can be via a lost relationship/friendship. Sometimes in social media, we may be unfollowed or "defriended" by someone and feel upset or sad about what happened. Especially in today's world where the number of followers or friends one has in Twitter or Facebook are celebrated or paid attention to by many. It seems at times that those who have thousands of followers are put up on a pedestal and their identity online can be attached to how many people are following them. This is a scary place to be since we are much more than the number of people who follow us online via Twitter or Facebook. That is why we need to make sure our identity we shape in life is not always tied to the popularity we may receive from others based on the quantity of people who are connected to us. The consequences of a crucial longing not being satisfied can lead to pain that must be dealt with. It can feel like we are at the beginning of hell in this situation. Again, the only one who can fulfill this longing is God. We must turn to Him during those times when we feel like the whole world is crashing in on us. He wants to hear our cries of help and embrace us to bring us comfort. If we fail to yield to God and his love for us, depression can occur and threaten to take over our life.

The interesting thing is that we spend most of our days concerned with satisfaction of our least important longings. We arrange for our own comfort.

In the next post, I will go into two different paths that we typically take based on how we feel our longings should be met and which longing is most important for us to fulfill.

The Power of One in Your Job Search (Reframing Your Life)

This post is the fourth and final one in a series to share statements from the Stephen Arterburn book called “Reframe Your Life: Transforming Your Pain Into Purpose” and share my thoughts.

In this post, we will be talking about one reframing device that can give you dramatic results if you focus on it. It involves the most challenging, but most valuable and powerful number in the world. That number is one. For anyone who has a hard time getting things accomplished such as stacks of items you need to get through, calls that need to be done, etc., begin to implant a big number ONE firmly in your mind. You focus on that number so much you start to ask about anything that happens, how it relates to the number one. All you are doing with this practice is increasing your awareness of where everything starts. It starts with the number one.

What is the power of ONE? It is found in reframing the structure of your mind to focus on what you have the ability to do and move out of thinking on what is too much for you to do. Have you ever had problems concentrating on doing something that you know will take you a long time (going through your emails) or just getting started on a project? My mind is like that. I tend to let my mind wander at times or get easily distracted by things that take my focus away from something I need to put my full attention on. For example, Twitter is an example of a tool that can suck away your time replying and following what people are saying in the stream if you are not careful about managing your time. It is like a firehose that never turns off. What you can do is take it one step at a time focusing on turning off those things that distract you and take time to write that one blog post you have been putting off or take that one hour to focus on your work. Or if one hour is too much of a stretch for you, focus on your work for 15 minutes and take a 1 minute break. Then go back to working for another 15 minutes.

The power of one can be valuable in how you search for a job. As you saturate your mind with the power of one, you can do the one thing that would move you from doing nothing to making progress. Maybe make a list of single actions and pick one a day for five days. In doing this, you can reverse a trend and start moving from sitting around wondering why you can't find a job to actively making progress towards your next job one step, one action at a time. One phone call can make the difference for a job. Sending one letter, volunteering one hour, or making one visit can start the habit of helping others.

I have started to think about how I could use the power of one in my own life as I continue to search for full-time employment. It is true that if you think about all the steps required to apply for a job or find a job, it can feel overwhelming. Especially if you have been searching for awhile or had many interviews with no success, the days can start to wear on you. But all it takes is one person that you connect with who has an opening that could lead to your next job. That is why networking is such an important part of a job search. I am involved in a few groups, including one that I started in July with a few others called the Kansas City Social Media Group. This is another group that allows business owners who want to learn more about social media come together in a social setting to network and learn from one another. I know there are other social media groups in the KC area like SMCKC, SMCJoCO, Internet Marketing/SM Meetup, etc. and in my opinion, the more groups that are out there where someone can connect with others to learn, the better. The KCSM Group focuses on providing an arena where business professionals can connect with others to get help, ideas, advice, and make connections in their fields in order to do their jobs better, gain new business, or solve problems. What is great about it is that there are many who come to this group and also attend other social media groups in the Kansas City area. It has been shared that one of the success tools in someone finding a job is through a contact they met through networking.

Another group I recently became a part of is New Landings. They are an organization who is committed to helping the unemployed middle class with resources and connections via networking to find their next job. I am part of their volunteer social media team to share ways their members can use social media tools to search for jobs and this group offers another opportunity to meet and network. Just by taking the time to learn one social media tool like Twitter, job seekers can start to take that next step in their job search. All it takes is using the power of one. Start with one tool and focus on it. Connect with one person who knows how to use social media and ask them for help.

I also am starting to think about how I can take the next step in connecting with more people I follow or who follow me on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook. There are so many people who live in the KC area that I chat with regularly via these social media tools and even though I have met some of them, I want to get to know more of them. All it takes is to make that one call, send that one e-mail, or send that one tweet/DM to someone and ask if you can get together with them to chat and get to know one another. So many of us connect virtually everyday, but do we go beyond the occasional tweet to really get to know someone and actually talk to them via phone or in person? That is one thing I am going to start doing more. Meet with people and get to know them for who they are outside of the person they represent on Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook. I encourage you to try this activity. In fact, by meeting these people, it might generate more blog posts on here about those I meet or even those who I feature on the Passion Drivers blog.

This post concludes the series based off the Reframing Your Life book. I will continue to share tidbits and thoughts on future books I read with you. I am open to hearing about books that have made an impact on you that you suggest I check out. Let me know in the comments. Also, if you have experienced the power of one and something you did made a difference in your life, let us know in the comments. We would love to hear stories from you. Remember, all it takes is taking that first step or doing that first action.

Reframing Your Life - A Process (Be Humble)

This post is the third in a series to share statements from the Stephen Arterburn book called “Reframe Your Life: Transforming Your Pain Into Purpose” and my thoughts/personal stories related to what I share. In my first post, I shared one of the barriers to “reframing” in your life is stubborn resistance to other viewpoints from others and how the antidote is having a more willing heart. In my second post, I shared another barrier to reframing is justifiable resentment towards yourself or others and the antidote to it is forgiving. I am calling an audible on the third barrier that I will share with you from Blind Ignorance to one that I feel is important to discuss.

The third barrier is one that many of us can fall into easily if we are not careful. It is Arrogant Entitlement. For so many, life is all about doing things your own way. The world we live in encourages "my way" thinking. We are bombarded with ads that say you can "have it your way" and "you deserve a break today." After all, isn't it really all about us and having it our way? Most people don't rush out to do something wrong. They inch up to it. They don't just steal at work, they convince themselves they are worth more than they make and are really just taking that to which they are entitled. When we do things like this, we are framing our actions before they are ever involved with them. This arrogant thinking will start small, but will infect every area of your life and destroy your relationships and the ability to heal them. If you stay on the course of arrogant entitlement, you will always be looking for the next thing and the next person who can help you get it, and you will become a taker, a self-absorbed greedy person who use people.

If you are living in your arrogance and demanding all you feel entitled to have, you begin to live like royalty. People start to see you that way also. But that is not good news. They see you on your throne, but you don't have much of an empire to rule. To others, you are "Your Royal Highness Baby" or "Sir Brat the Prince." If you have this way of thinking, you have very high expectations of what others should be doing for you. You want from others what is "due" you, and you want it in a way that will please you. Proverbs 14:16 says: "The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with great confidence." In this careless way of life, the fool loses his close relationships as he loses himself. It is a royal way to live: royally alone, stupid and empty.

Arrogant people are missing true humility. Humility within a person's heart eliminates the "me first," "my way," "give me what I deserve" way of thinking. Humility reaches out to connect with others, appreciating them for who they are, not just what they can do for you. A humble person is not using everything within himself to further his own cause, but rather there is a desire to use whatever position to help others and meet their needs. What does the Bible say about humility? 1 Peter 5:6 says: "So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honor you." This can be hard at times to wait upon God as "his good time" is likely a lot slower than you want, but it is essential. Rather than assert our rights or beliefs about something or someone, we need to give others the right-of-way. Humility leads to contentment and satisfaction. Your humble heart draws people to you. People are repelled by arrogance and entitlement. I will close with this story from the book that sums up the difference between arrogant entitlement and humility:

"A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert-like island. The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agreed they had no other recourse but prayer. However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren. Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing. Finally, the first man prayed for a ship so he could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked on his side of the island. He boarded the ship and decided to leave the second man on the island.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?" "My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them," the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered, so he does not deserve anything."

"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings." "Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?"

"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."

How can you be more humble in how you treat others? Think upon this and reflect on your own life. See where you can turn from arrogant entitlement to humility. You will truly be blessed if you do.

In the next post, we will talk about one reframing device that would benefit you more than others and it involves the most challenging, but most valuable and powerful number in the world...

ReFraming Your Life – A Process (Be Forgiving)

This post is the second in a series to share statements from the Stephen Arterburn book called “Reframe Your Life: Transforming Your Pain Into Purpose” and my thoughts/personal stories related to what I share. In my first post, I shared one of the barriers to "reframing" in your life is stubborn resistance to other viewpoints from others and how this barrier was one that I exhibited not too long ago based on a controversial post I wrote. To break this barrier, one needs to have a willing heart and open mind to hearing and taking time to listen to what others share in response to what you think is right. This process takes time, but it is worth taking a step back and look at how you can "reframe" your life to be more willing.

This next barrier is one that I have struggled with a lot lately and in a way, this post is like therapy for me as I will be doing all I can to destroy this barrier and its hold on my life from past events.

The second barrier or roadblock to reframing is Justifiable Resentment. Are you angry about something in your life? Has someone hurt you, and anyone who heard about what happened would tell you that you have every right to remain angry and bitter at that person? Perhaps you have buried it so deep that you no longer recognize it is there. If you harbor resentment in your heart towards others, it is as dangerous as any radioactive material that could destroy your body. We can easily generate a root of bitterness when we have a hurt or wound that goes so deep it implants in our hearts. When you think of the word "root" it describes something that must be dug out of the ground of our pasts in order for it to be exposed and destroyed. Ephesians 4:31 says we are to "get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger." Why must we do this? It eats away at us, takes away our drive to fulfill our purposes in life, and taints our relationships. Job 5:2 says "resentment destroys the fool." We can chain ourselves to a past or person we cannot change or we can find a way to move on, give up our right to resent, and at some point, forgive them.

I have a personal story related to this barrier also that I want to share. This one has been a very tough one for me to overcome as I felt betrayed and angry at what happened to me and I have been holding on to this resentment for awhile believing I had every right to think this way. I won't got into details of who I am specifically talking about, but many will know what I mean. I was asked to come on board with a company that I had observed for awhile online who was attempting to build their business in the local area. I was excited about this new opportunity to help contribute my knowledge of the area and expertise in social media to help this company acquire new clients and make a positive impact in the community. Not too long after I came on board, this company attempted to raise awareness of a long-standing icon in the KC area who was told they were to close in the next year. Social media channels were used to spread the word about how this historic icon needed to be saved and how everyone could contribute to make their voice be heard. I pitched in to give a voice to this movement and had a few debates with some online about my beliefs or why I felt the way I did in saving this icon. Unfortunately, the debates turned ugly and instead of taking them offline to discuss in person with those who had questions, I kept it online. It caused a rift between me and many others. Some of the rifts caused some to still not talk or speak with me today. I sent apologies to those who I felt I upset and if they chose to not forgive and hold resentment towards me, that is their right. We all have to answer to God someday in how we live our lives, so that is between God and them. The fallout continued long after I had apologized and accusations about me were sent and shared with the company I was a part of. I was told they were behind me, but over time, this was turned on me. At the same time, my online activities via tweets or posts on Facebook were watched and analyzed with close scrutiny. Misunderstandings and assumptions about the context of my tweets or posts were the result. When I talked or sent tweets to those I had tried to apologize to, I was sent notes to stop this activity by this company. I believe in reconciling with others if you upset them and in this case, I was going to attempt to do that. I have always tended to share things on Twitter and other channels that express my feelings at that time and I started to share Bible verses that brought me comfort and strength during this time. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when I was told to back off the religious things I shared since many felt I was starting to sound like a religious fanatic and I needed to balance out what I shared with more business-related tweets. As a Christian, this request or demand, depending on how one views it, was not going to happen. Sharing what God placed on my heart with others on Twitter is one thing I do often and that is something I was not going to stop. I felt that the company who at one time said they were behind me was now taking the sides of those who made assumptions about me and this had gone too far. My personality and Christianity way of doing things simply was not meshing with the viewpoints and way of doing business that this company shared. In the end, I felt it was best to move on from this company and get away from the "heat" that was continuing to torch me no matter what I did or how I tried to reconcile things. Did I feel resentment? You better believe I did. I was not happy how so many had turned on me and made me out as a bad person without many taking the time to understand me and why I said or did the things I did. Was I wrong in how I treated some people during this time? Yes, I was. I did some things that as a Christian, I should not have handled that way. Even long after I moved on, I felt I had a justified resentment towards those who I felt turned on me and if others would just understand where I was coming from, they would agree. That was my viewpoint. Even now as I write this post out, I can feel a little of the anger and resentment trying to rear its ugly head about these past events. It is time to find the antidote to the barrier of justifiable resentment towards others.

Without exception we are to forgive, no matter how justified we feel due to the severity of an offense. Jesus said the number of times we need to forgive is unlimited. We have a mandate to forgive. Forgiving others can take time especially if you feel deep resentment or think how could you forgive someone who caused so much hurt in your life? This is especially true for those who may have been hurt by others via abuse. As I have thought about this resentment I had, I have realized the longer I wallow in anger and bitterness, the more vulnerable I am to derailing my life into something I was not meant to do or be. I have to reframe it knowing that God has grace for me and for those who I feel resentment towards. I have to reframe these people as tools of God, imperfect tools God is using to transform my character.

When we forgive, it is a process rather than an event. This is very important to remember: The negative feelings we may have about others are not doing anything to the people who hurt you except allowing them to continue to negatively impact your life. You are letting them dominate your life. Justifiable resentment is a cancer on the soul. The bitterness is within you, not the person who hurt you. Your anger may give you the sense of power, but it actually robs you of your power. It is time to acknowledge they have remained the focus of too much time and attention and you have to let it go.

Stop this roadblock in its tracks. Let go of justifiable resentment and allow forgiveness into your life to allow you to reframe and move on with your life.

In the next post, we will dig into the next obstacle to reframing: Blind Ignorance.

ReFraming Your Life - A Process (Be Willing)

I got a book the other day by Stephen Arterburn called "Reframe Your Life: Transforming Your Pain Into Purpose" and I plan to share a few statements from this book and my thoughts in a series of posts over the next few days. The book focuses on how we need to look at what happens to us in the past via a process called reframing. Just as a frame on a picture enhances or detracts from the beauty of the art, how we frame ourselves and the events in our lives determines whether or not those events add or detract from the value and even the beauty of our lives. So many of us live in defeat. We remain stuck in mistakes we made or mistakes caused by others. It could be that a person or a group of people lashed out at you over something you said or did and as a result, one can be stuck in a state of bitterness or resentment that can eat you alive. You may never be able to resolve your past until you reframe your past and see it in a whole new light. Just as we frame a picture, we put a frame around our reality and we view all that happens to us through that frame or that perspective.

What are some barriers to reframing? One is stubborn resistance. Can you relate to those who so desperately need help but have a hard time opening up to the help they need? When you are in stubborn resistance, you may refuse to listen to what others share with you about things they see that are causing problems in your life. You may even project your problem onto someone else or blame them for the way you are. Your life becomes reactive to those who challenge you and you get stuck in ruts of your own doing. You may even hurt yourself and others around you, essentially allowing "boils" to fester in almost every area of your life. Those in this condition, no matter how painful life might become, refuse to budge and stand by what they believe is the right thing to do. I have to share that by personal experience I have done this before. I have wrote blogs posts or tweets that I stood by with all of my stubborn resistance without thinking about how others viewed what I wrote.

What is the antidote to stubborn resistance? It is Willingness. It is very difficult to implement this antidote after you have become so ingrained in your own way of seeing the world or others and react to it defensively. It takes time to have a willing heart or mind, especially if you have been hurt or rejected in the past by others. Willingness is the ability to see things from another person's perspective or at least be interested enough to acknowledge that not everyone sees things the way you do. Willing people realize not only that they are not always right, but they need to make things right when they wrong. So, in my case where I wrote a controversial blog post about a new SMC chapter that I did not believe needed to be started, I was resistant to others who shared their viewpoints or comments. Now that I look back, I realize that being more open minded or having a spirit of willingness would have made the outcome more positive or at least given me the opportunity to hear what others had to share. In a spirit of willingness, I decided to step down from the SMCKC executive board when asked to and I also stepped away as a member of SMCKC under my own decision. It is only through a willing heart can a person learn how to take what happened and reframe it for good. How am I reframing this particular issue? I do see where I went wrong now and have learned from it so I have a more open mind to opinions shared by others on issues that I may not agree with. If we all agreed with or disagreed with each other, we would never have the opportunities to learn valuable viewpoints from one another. Do I miss some of the good friendships I had with SMCKC members who didn't want anything to do with me after that controversial post and how I reacted defensively to so many? Sure, I do. But, I have learned that there will be some who are willing to forgive others for mistakes they did and reach back out to those who upset them before and there are others where that will never be the case. I am fine either way. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and some mistakes may be viewed by others as "recurring" often so they believe there should be no need to give such people who do this more chances. But, the fact of the matter is that God told us to forgive one another seventy-times seven (Matthew 18:22) and not hold one's mistakes against them. You cannot limit forgiveness. In Luke 17:3-4, it says: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." If it weren't for God forgiving us all the time for the times when we have come up short, we would be lost. So, we need to forgive each other. That is the only way we will experience God's blessings on our lives by forgiving no matter how many mistakes are done by others or hurtful things are said to us.

Do you have a stubborn resistance that needs to be reframed to having a willing heart towards others? Believe me, it is worth taking time to reframe and embrace willingness.

In the next post, we will dig into the next obstacle to reframing: Justifiable Resentment. Until then, may you take a look at your own life and think about how you can reframe how you view things from the past and look at them in a new light.

Latest happenings for Mark

In all your ways acknowledge the Lord, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6

The above verse reminds me that as I continue to focus on the Lord in all I do and rely on Him to help me through life, I can be rest assured he will make my path straight in front of me. I may not always know where the path is taking me or know what is the meaning of the scenery along the path until later, but God knows and will intend it for my own good.

At this point in my life, there is a lot going on. I am still looking for full-time employment with someone that embraces the uniqueness I bring in connecting and interacting with others via social media. What would I like to do? Well, I really do enjoy using social media tools to connect with people and help them whether that is in customer service, building relationships with customers or teaching them the ropes on social media. I could see myself in a variety of jobs as a community manager, social media consultant, or even in managing websites/content since I have experience in that area too.

While I continue to look for full-time employment, I am keeping myself quite busy in a few groups. One group was started in July with the intention of bringing together individuals and businesses in the Johnson County area and around Kansas City who wish to learn how to use social media tools/networking to connect and interact with their business or personal brand. The name of this group is the Kansas City Social Media Group. It was started in Johnson County, KS since a breakfast group focused on social media outside of the successful Internet Marketing and Social Media Meetup group was needed. Many members of the SMCKC group had expressed interest in a Johnson County SM group. We were approached by Houlihan's who graciously offered their Olathe location to host us and offered the entire restaurant for us to use on the morning of our breakfast. They also serve us a few wonderful items from their weekly Sunday brunch for breakfast on the day of our meeting. In fact, they have a great deal on their Sunday brunch for their social media friends that you can take advantage of during August. We have been very happy with the attendance at the first two KCSM breakfast meetings to date. We had 35 people show up at the July breakfast and around 75-80 people showed up at the August 12 breakfast! For now, we are only meeting for breakfast once a month at the Olathe Houlihan's with this group, but much more could be done with this group as time goes on. Tweetups, meetings outside of breakfast, etc. could happen. There is a planning committee consisting of myself, Shawn Gallagher, Chris Dowell and Marty Taggart that works together to plan and make the KCSM group meetings happen. I could not do it without all of their tremendous help and support.

Also, I was approached recently by Vicky Watson with the New Landings group to help them with their social media strategy as they continue to grow in membership. What is New Landings? At New Landings, their mission is to redefine the way their members view career transition by actively providing resources and new avenues to showcase their skills. They liberate individuals from the bounds of traditional thinking enabling them to create and engage with meaningful work. They are dedicated to the economic recovery of America's middle class. They have some awesome networking events coming up and weekly Wednesday night meetings with dynamic speakers focusing on career issues. They are also involved in a few outstanding programs coming up that will enable unemployed people take advantage of some opportunities to get involved in the workforce. What is very nice is that they list on their home page the number of "landings" or people who have landed jobs in the past year and month to date. They also show the economic contribution these new "landings" have brought to the economy as a result of them getting jobs. It goes to show that New Landings is dedicated to helping people who are unemployed and looking for their next career path. I will be co-leading the New Landings social media team with a few other New Landings members and I am very happy to lend my experience and knowledge to this group to help its members. A wonderful volunteer opportunity that I am looking forward to participate in.

Outside of these two groups, I have been spending time with my family and also taking time to think about how I can start writing more on this blog and my two other speciality blogs. Most people know I am a "chatterbox" on Twitter since I love to connect and interact with people on there, but I have also started to think how I should write more on my blogs to generate lasting content that others can read and refer to often. Twitter is great for quick tidbits to share with others and interaction, but once you tweet something, it is lost in time as more tweets come from you. Generating lasting content ensures people can take their time to read and digest what you share.

That is in a nutshell what has been going on for me lately. I plan to share more info about thoughts from my life on here as time goes on. Thanks for reading.

The Sidewalk of Life

This is a copy of an article I found awhile ago and had been saving to read. Wanted to share it with you so you can read it and think upon it. Be encouraged.

Sometimes as you walk down the sidewalk of life you wind up in a deep hole that is not of your own making.

• If you live on the coast during hurricane season the winds and rains may have come along and damaged your house.


• The company you work for may have gone bankrupt you lost your job.


• You return to your car in the mall parking lot and find that someone has smashed your fender.

Any of these events can place you in a hole of darkness, despair, anger, loss, anxiety, worry, or grief. You did not have anything to do with creating the situation but you must live with it. The hole can indeed be deep and dark, and you have to struggle long and hard to climb out of it.

This is the nature of life. Some things are out of your control. Unexpected events happen. Change always occurs. The most that you can do is adapt to them the best you can. You must struggle out of the hole into which you were thrown and journey on. Hopefully, you grow from such an experience and become a more mature person who is better able to cope with other pitfalls of life.

Have you ever found yourself in exactly the same hole more than once?

• How is it that you always get into the same type of conflict with the boss? He is so negative and critical and always expects so much. She makes you feel miserable.


• Maybe you are in the midst of the exact "word for word" argument with your spouse for the ten thousandth time. He says this and you say that just like you always do and you fall into the hole once again.


• Your son, mother, sister, or brother does that thing that they always do. It pushes your buttons and you respond as you always do. The cycle of conflict begins once again.

You cannot believe that it has happened one more time. You wonder, "Why does this always happen to me? Why do they always do this to me? When will they ever stop? Why can’t they understand what they make me do?" If other people would just "act right" life would go better. You begin to work harder and harder to get others to change.

Fall into the same hole often enough and you may come to a realization. With the frequent occurrence of the same or similar events you sense that these things do not happen by chance. Maybe this repetition is a pattern that is not just inflicted on you solely by others. Such a reoccurrence of events must mean that you are playing a role in creating them.

As we go along the sidewalk of life we all fall into holes of psychological and spiritual distress. Sometimes it seems that we were shoved. Initially, it appears that it is not our fault to be in such a situation once again. However, as we continue in the journey of life we often find ourselves falling into the same hole more than once. When we do so we are given the opportunity of recognizing that there is actually a pattern in our lives. Patterns do not exist until an event happens more than once. A pattern cannot be recognized until we have encountered a situation (in all its various forms) several times. Only with repetition is it possible to see the pattern or cycle. Once the pattern is seen then the possibility of new insight arises.

The next time you find yourself once again in one of life’s familiar holes, and are busy saying:

• "It is not my fault,"


• "Don't blame me."


• "Who is responsible for this?"


• "They are doing it to me again."

Call for a time-out. Now, look to see how you might be responsible for your situation. Ask yourself, "What did I do to get here? What role did I play in creating the circumstances that placed me in this hole?" The terrible truth is that if you are not responsible for being in this hole once again then you are in real trouble. This is because if you are not responsible, it must mean that someone is. Maybe, it is not just one person but a group of people like your coworkers or your family. It is even possible that the entire world has decided to conspire against you. If you are truly not responsible for your current situation, and you do not like being in these recurring holes then you face a dilemma. What you have to do is find out who is making you miserable. Next, you have to change that person, or group, or the entire world to make it or them be exactly the way you want them to be so that you can be okay. Your strategy becomes to change others.

This is the trap of playing, "Let's fix you." Husbands and wives and parents and children often play this game. One spouse shows up at the counselor's office claiming that their mate is the problem. Parents bring in the child saying the child's behavior needs to change. Children say that their parents make them act this way. Employees blame the insensitive boss. The overworked boss criticizes the inefficient employees. No one is responsible for anything.

Playing "Let’s fix you" doesn’t work. Have you ever tried to change someone? Of course you have. Maybe just change a small child making them just a little more the way you want. Perhaps you have tried to make a few minor adjustments in another person’s personality. It seems that if you just gave this person a little bit of a "tune up" then you might be able to live with them. Did you succeed? The answer is, "No!" Changing others is an extremely difficult if not impossible task. The other person may actually try to cooperate but often cannot make or sustain the change. Your effort is directed in the wrong direction.

Fall into the same hole enough times and you might awaken to the true nature of the problem. You are responsible for being there. You played some role in the process. You must change. Learning this is good news. If you can find out what you are doing and stop then you can avoid these holes into which you keep falling. Having some responsibility for your problems means that you have control. All you have to do is to change yourself and the situation can improve. While this task is very hard, it is at least possible. Changing others is not.

• When you find yourself once again in that same bad relationship, but with a different person, you need to realize that it is you who is making the same mistake over and over. Maybe it is time to ask yourself, "What am I doing?" "How did I get here once again?"

• When you are in that same tired old argument, ask what did you do to get there? When you wake up with a hangover once again, ask what went wrong with my resolve to never drink again?

When you discover what you are doing, or why you are doing it, then change is possible. You can begin taking responsibility for yourself.

If you change yourself your experience of the situation will change. Surprisingly, if you do this, the other people you were wanting to change may change as well. You cannot change others by directly trying to influence them, but if you change yourself then they may be forced to change as well. Once you are different and can maintain that difference then others around you are given the opportunity to change in relation to you. By effectively changing ourselves we may actually change another person, a group, and perhaps, the world. But we must start with ourselves. When you start with yourself a good place to begin is with your Attitude.

Once your responsibility is seen you can change. You can begin avoiding the holes on that street of life. You are now able to see what is coming, because you know your pattern. This knowledge gives you control and you can intentionally respond to life in a different manner. A different response gives new possibilities.

When someone invites you into a familiar hole, you do not automatically enter. Your friend, who has been awaiting your arrival to leave for a party, sarcastically says, "Well, you are late again!" Your typical response is to defensively say, "Must you always complain?" Now when you see that familiar hole of an argument and a bad evening looming, you make a different choice. You realize that your friend has had the legitimate frustration of waiting and has also been worried about you. You speak to these issues and say, "I am sorry to be late. Traffic was terrible. I couldn’t get to a phone. I know that you were wondering what happened to me." Your choice allows your friend to acknowledge the concern and apprehension rather that just voice the frustration of waiting. The hole of another repetitive fight is avoided, and the evening goes well.

Finally, you change streets. You change your inner dialogue and behavior so completely that the old pattern no longer occurs. Once on the new street, you must be careful because, unfortunately, this street will have its own holes. It will have holes that you have never seen before. But you now know the rules about the "holes" in the sidewalk. The first time that you encounter one you should ask, "How am I responsible?" It may be that you are not responsible, but the sooner you ask this question, the sooner you can take charge of your life.

This process is like a spiral that leads us upward towards psychological and spiritual wholeness. The sidewalks of life do not go in a straight line. They may not be flat. They may be like a trail that winds round and round a mountain until it reaches the top. Each time you break out of an old pattern of thinking and living, you begin a new switchback that leads you ever upwards to the fundamental goal of life.

Fall into enough of the holes in the sidewalks of life and you may become whole. Through the lessons of the holes of life, you approach wholeness. Becoming whole means striving to be all that you can be. All potentialities are explored. You know what you do, and why you do it. Choices are made, and you are responsible for these choices.

The holes in the sidewalk are actually invitations to grow.

Are you open to the invitation?