This post is the second in a series to share statements from the Stephen Arterburn book called “Reframe Your Life: Transforming Your Pain Into Purpose” and my thoughts/personal stories related to what I share. In my first post, I shared one of the barriers to "reframing" in your life is stubborn resistance to other viewpoints from others and how this barrier was one that I exhibited not too long ago based on a controversial post I wrote. To break this barrier, one needs to have a willing heart and open mind to hearing and taking time to listen to what others share in response to what you think is right. This process takes time, but it is worth taking a step back and look at how you can "reframe" your life to be more willing.
This next barrier is one that I have struggled with a lot lately and in a way, this post is like therapy for me as I will be doing all I can to destroy this barrier and its hold on my life from past events.
The second barrier or roadblock to reframing is Justifiable Resentment. Are you angry about something in your life? Has someone hurt you, and anyone who heard about what happened would tell you that you have every right to remain angry and bitter at that person? Perhaps you have buried it so deep that you no longer recognize it is there. If you harbor resentment in your heart towards others, it is as dangerous as any radioactive material that could destroy your body. We can easily generate a root of bitterness when we have a hurt or wound that goes so deep it implants in our hearts. When you think of the word "root" it describes something that must be dug out of the ground of our pasts in order for it to be exposed and destroyed. Ephesians 4:31 says we are to "get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger." Why must we do this? It eats away at us, takes away our drive to fulfill our purposes in life, and taints our relationships. Job 5:2 says "resentment destroys the fool." We can chain ourselves to a past or person we cannot change or we can find a way to move on, give up our right to resent, and at some point, forgive them.
I have a personal story related to this barrier also that I want to share. This one has been a very tough one for me to overcome as I felt betrayed and angry at what happened to me and I have been holding on to this resentment for awhile believing I had every right to think this way. I won't got into details of who I am specifically talking about, but many will know what I mean. I was asked to come on board with a company that I had observed for awhile online who was attempting to build their business in the local area. I was excited about this new opportunity to help contribute my knowledge of the area and expertise in social media to help this company acquire new clients and make a positive impact in the community. Not too long after I came on board, this company attempted to raise awareness of a long-standing icon in the KC area who was told they were to close in the next year. Social media channels were used to spread the word about how this historic icon needed to be saved and how everyone could contribute to make their voice be heard. I pitched in to give a voice to this movement and had a few debates with some online about my beliefs or why I felt the way I did in saving this icon. Unfortunately, the debates turned ugly and instead of taking them offline to discuss in person with those who had questions, I kept it online. It caused a rift between me and many others. Some of the rifts caused some to still not talk or speak with me today. I sent apologies to those who I felt I upset and if they chose to not forgive and hold resentment towards me, that is their right. We all have to answer to God someday in how we live our lives, so that is between God and them. The fallout continued long after I had apologized and accusations about me were sent and shared with the company I was a part of. I was told they were behind me, but over time, this was turned on me. At the same time, my online activities via tweets or posts on Facebook were watched and analyzed with close scrutiny. Misunderstandings and assumptions about the context of my tweets or posts were the result. When I talked or sent tweets to those I had tried to apologize to, I was sent notes to stop this activity by this company. I believe in reconciling with others if you upset them and in this case, I was going to attempt to do that. I have always tended to share things on Twitter and other channels that express my feelings at that time and I started to share Bible verses that brought me comfort and strength during this time. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when I was told to back off the religious things I shared since many felt I was starting to sound like a religious fanatic and I needed to balance out what I shared with more business-related tweets. As a Christian, this request or demand, depending on how one views it, was not going to happen. Sharing what God placed on my heart with others on Twitter is one thing I do often and that is something I was not going to stop. I felt that the company who at one time said they were behind me was now taking the sides of those who made assumptions about me and this had gone too far. My personality and Christianity way of doing things simply was not meshing with the viewpoints and way of doing business that this company shared. In the end, I felt it was best to move on from this company and get away from the "heat" that was continuing to torch me no matter what I did or how I tried to reconcile things. Did I feel resentment? You better believe I did. I was not happy how so many had turned on me and made me out as a bad person without many taking the time to understand me and why I said or did the things I did. Was I wrong in how I treated some people during this time? Yes, I was. I did some things that as a Christian, I should not have handled that way. Even long after I moved on, I felt I had a justified resentment towards those who I felt turned on me and if others would just understand where I was coming from, they would agree. That was my viewpoint. Even now as I write this post out, I can feel a little of the anger and resentment trying to rear its ugly head about these past events. It is time to find the antidote to the barrier of justifiable resentment towards others.
Without exception we are to forgive, no matter how justified we feel due to the severity of an offense. Jesus said the number of times we need to forgive is unlimited. We have a mandate to forgive. Forgiving others can take time especially if you feel deep resentment or think how could you forgive someone who caused so much hurt in your life? This is especially true for those who may have been hurt by others via abuse. As I have thought about this resentment I had, I have realized the longer I wallow in anger and bitterness, the more vulnerable I am to derailing my life into something I was not meant to do or be. I have to reframe it knowing that God has grace for me and for those who I feel resentment towards. I have to reframe these people as tools of God, imperfect tools God is using to transform my character.
When we forgive, it is a process rather than an event. This is very important to remember: The negative feelings we may have about others are not doing anything to the people who hurt you except allowing them to continue to negatively impact your life. You are letting them dominate your life. Justifiable resentment is a cancer on the soul. The bitterness is within you, not the person who hurt you. Your anger may give you the sense of power, but it actually robs you of your power. It is time to acknowledge they have remained the focus of too much time and attention and you have to let it go.
Stop this roadblock in its tracks. Let go of justifiable resentment and allow forgiveness into your life to allow you to reframe and move on with your life.
In the next post, we will dig into the next obstacle to reframing: Blind Ignorance.
This next barrier is one that I have struggled with a lot lately and in a way, this post is like therapy for me as I will be doing all I can to destroy this barrier and its hold on my life from past events.
The second barrier or roadblock to reframing is Justifiable Resentment. Are you angry about something in your life? Has someone hurt you, and anyone who heard about what happened would tell you that you have every right to remain angry and bitter at that person? Perhaps you have buried it so deep that you no longer recognize it is there. If you harbor resentment in your heart towards others, it is as dangerous as any radioactive material that could destroy your body. We can easily generate a root of bitterness when we have a hurt or wound that goes so deep it implants in our hearts. When you think of the word "root" it describes something that must be dug out of the ground of our pasts in order for it to be exposed and destroyed. Ephesians 4:31 says we are to "get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger." Why must we do this? It eats away at us, takes away our drive to fulfill our purposes in life, and taints our relationships. Job 5:2 says "resentment destroys the fool." We can chain ourselves to a past or person we cannot change or we can find a way to move on, give up our right to resent, and at some point, forgive them.
I have a personal story related to this barrier also that I want to share. This one has been a very tough one for me to overcome as I felt betrayed and angry at what happened to me and I have been holding on to this resentment for awhile believing I had every right to think this way. I won't got into details of who I am specifically talking about, but many will know what I mean. I was asked to come on board with a company that I had observed for awhile online who was attempting to build their business in the local area. I was excited about this new opportunity to help contribute my knowledge of the area and expertise in social media to help this company acquire new clients and make a positive impact in the community. Not too long after I came on board, this company attempted to raise awareness of a long-standing icon in the KC area who was told they were to close in the next year. Social media channels were used to spread the word about how this historic icon needed to be saved and how everyone could contribute to make their voice be heard. I pitched in to give a voice to this movement and had a few debates with some online about my beliefs or why I felt the way I did in saving this icon. Unfortunately, the debates turned ugly and instead of taking them offline to discuss in person with those who had questions, I kept it online. It caused a rift between me and many others. Some of the rifts caused some to still not talk or speak with me today. I sent apologies to those who I felt I upset and if they chose to not forgive and hold resentment towards me, that is their right. We all have to answer to God someday in how we live our lives, so that is between God and them. The fallout continued long after I had apologized and accusations about me were sent and shared with the company I was a part of. I was told they were behind me, but over time, this was turned on me. At the same time, my online activities via tweets or posts on Facebook were watched and analyzed with close scrutiny. Misunderstandings and assumptions about the context of my tweets or posts were the result. When I talked or sent tweets to those I had tried to apologize to, I was sent notes to stop this activity by this company. I believe in reconciling with others if you upset them and in this case, I was going to attempt to do that. I have always tended to share things on Twitter and other channels that express my feelings at that time and I started to share Bible verses that brought me comfort and strength during this time. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when I was told to back off the religious things I shared since many felt I was starting to sound like a religious fanatic and I needed to balance out what I shared with more business-related tweets. As a Christian, this request or demand, depending on how one views it, was not going to happen. Sharing what God placed on my heart with others on Twitter is one thing I do often and that is something I was not going to stop. I felt that the company who at one time said they were behind me was now taking the sides of those who made assumptions about me and this had gone too far. My personality and Christianity way of doing things simply was not meshing with the viewpoints and way of doing business that this company shared. In the end, I felt it was best to move on from this company and get away from the "heat" that was continuing to torch me no matter what I did or how I tried to reconcile things. Did I feel resentment? You better believe I did. I was not happy how so many had turned on me and made me out as a bad person without many taking the time to understand me and why I said or did the things I did. Was I wrong in how I treated some people during this time? Yes, I was. I did some things that as a Christian, I should not have handled that way. Even long after I moved on, I felt I had a justified resentment towards those who I felt turned on me and if others would just understand where I was coming from, they would agree. That was my viewpoint. Even now as I write this post out, I can feel a little of the anger and resentment trying to rear its ugly head about these past events. It is time to find the antidote to the barrier of justifiable resentment towards others.
Without exception we are to forgive, no matter how justified we feel due to the severity of an offense. Jesus said the number of times we need to forgive is unlimited. We have a mandate to forgive. Forgiving others can take time especially if you feel deep resentment or think how could you forgive someone who caused so much hurt in your life? This is especially true for those who may have been hurt by others via abuse. As I have thought about this resentment I had, I have realized the longer I wallow in anger and bitterness, the more vulnerable I am to derailing my life into something I was not meant to do or be. I have to reframe it knowing that God has grace for me and for those who I feel resentment towards. I have to reframe these people as tools of God, imperfect tools God is using to transform my character.
When we forgive, it is a process rather than an event. This is very important to remember: The negative feelings we may have about others are not doing anything to the people who hurt you except allowing them to continue to negatively impact your life. You are letting them dominate your life. Justifiable resentment is a cancer on the soul. The bitterness is within you, not the person who hurt you. Your anger may give you the sense of power, but it actually robs you of your power. It is time to acknowledge they have remained the focus of too much time and attention and you have to let it go.
Stop this roadblock in its tracks. Let go of justifiable resentment and allow forgiveness into your life to allow you to reframe and move on with your life.
In the next post, we will dig into the next obstacle to reframing: Blind Ignorance.
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[...] Purpose” and share my thoughts. You can find my other posts related to this book here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part [...]
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