Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Approval Addiction is For Real

The Search for Significance, Approval Addiction, Getting Unstuck, and Prisoners of Our Thoughts. What do all of these titles mean? They are books I have on hand at home that I have read over and over, especially in those vulnerable times when I felt like I needed to read something that spoke to the condition I was in. I encountered a few instances today where people I know expressed their dismay and frustration with always feeling like they have to please people. I know exactly what those feelings are like as I have dealt with them for many years now. Being addicted to approval from others is REAL and it can wreak havoc on your emotions and thoughts if you are the type of person that is vulnerable to it.

As it shares in "The Search for Significance" book: "We spend much of our time building relationships, striving to please people and win their respect. And yet, after all of our efforts, it takes only one unappreciative word from someone to ruin our sense of self-worth." Have you ever had that happen to you? It can be done so easily via social media within 140 characters or even through email that reads differently to you than how others may perceive it. One of the benefits of social media is to connect and build relationships with others. But all it takes is one harsh word, rumor, or gossip to come your way and that relationship can be destroyed in an instant. We have the power to do good via social media tools, but the greater danger is the crushing blow of criticism or rejection that can be done through these same tools.

Another quote from "The Search for Significance" book says: 'The world we live in is filled with people who demand that we please them in exchange for their approval and acceptance. Such demands can lead us to a false belief that I must be approved by certain others to feel good about myself. We are snared by this lie so often and believing it causes us to bow to peer pressure in an effort to gain approval. We may join clubs and organizations, hoping to find a place of acceptance for ourselves. We often identify ourselves with social groups, believing that being with others like ourselves will assure our acceptance and their approval." Those last few sentences about some joining clubs or social groups to gain the approval of others is one where I see being done often within social media. There is some thinking that if you are not part of an "in group" then you are not worth talking to. I will tell you this right now. I despise "in groups" with a passion. One big reason is from my experience of being the target of many jocks in high school who felt like it was their right to tease and make life a living hell for their victims. To this day, I don't think I can think about some of those people without some hatred in my heart. But, I am doing what I can to forgive people like that from my past since it is only hurting me. It is a process to forgive others who treat you like you are scum of the earth.

Let me ask you this..."Have you ever experienced rejection at the hands of others?" Nothing hurts like being rejected. Especially from those we may be trying to gain approval. Our dependence on others for value brings bondage, while abiding in the truths of Christ's love and acceptance brings freedom and joy. Galatians 1:10 is where Paul shares the following: "For am I now seeking the favor of men or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ."

Joyce Meyer is one person who grew up in an abusive household and had major problems dealing with rejection and feeling like she needed to win the approval from others in order to feel good about herself. But, through God's grace in her life, today she is an author of more than 60 inspirational books and she has radio and television programs broadcast around the world! It is amazing how the Lord turned her life around once she decided to invite Him to remake her life. In her book, "Approval Addiction," she says: "If we try to build our lives on what people say and think of us, we are building on sinking sand." How is your foundation? Are they rooted in rejection or fear? Most often, those of us that are approval addicts, need to start with new roots. Roots that are based on knowing we have unconditional acceptance by God. And like Disciple shares in their "1, 2, Conductor" song, God is our only audience that truly matters.

I hope by sharing some of my experiences and of others who know how it is to be an approval addict that you will know you are not alone. I encourage you to use tools like Twitter or Facebook to share your struggles or thoughts with others. If others comment on how you are using these tools to do this, make sure they know there is an unfollow button. You do what you need to do in order to work through what you are dealing with.

Final question to ponder upon: "How much of your life have you wasted trying to gain approval of others?" STOP letting it ruin your life and be who you are no matter what others think.

The Lord bless you.

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